By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
We have seen the future, and it's cheap, ugly, and insanely popular -- but there was one adjective missing from the cover headline: "dangerous."
I was a reluctant fan of Crocs. But after I got my feet into the comfort of a lime-green pair, I bought them for everyone I knew. They were comfortable and suited our active, family lifestyle. Until last Sunday, I couldn't say enough good about them.
But then, coming out of the rain, I entered Target wearing my Crocs. When the doors opened automatically, I found myself skating across the floor and engaging in involuntary gymnastic moves that could have earned me a leading role in an action flick. When the party was over, I was splayed out like a filet, moaning in pain and on my back.
Take a pair of Crocs, add a little water to the bottoms, find yourself a nice smooth surface like, say, the floor of Target, a garage or ceramic tile and -- look out -- the orthopedic surgeons will have their way with you. It's a deadly combination, and one I feel that everyone should know about. Given these conditions, there is a sudden and unexpected loss of traction that takes even the most athletic and nimble by surprise. For now, everyone in my house is banned from wearing their Crocs until further notice.
By the way, my two kids -- both wearing their Crocs -- also fell just moments after my tumble in Target. Fortunately, they weren't hurt.
Crocs can be very dangerous, as there is a false sense of security that accompanies the pliable, rubbery shoes. I hope that my warning will spare a few broken hips and visits to the emergency room. I would also like to hear what the Crocs company might say to you in response, since they haven't replied to me.
Footing the bill:Thanks for Alan Prendergast's article about the latest craze in Colorado -- Crocs, those goofy-looking clouds of foam rubber. When my mother sported a pair earlier in the spring, I think I pointed and laughed. I thought they were ridiculous and ugly.
I caved and sheepishly shelled out $30 for the most obnoxious pair of shoes I own. I proudly shlep all over this city in bright orange shoes and tell anyone who will listen how comfortable they are. I agree they are not as beautiful as Manolo Blahniks, but they're affordable, and I can walk around all day in them without breaking my neck.
Please ask the Shoe Goddess to share with us if she finds cowboy boots as comfortable as Crocs (and preferably not tangerine orange).
History's half-life:I wanted to give Patricia Calhoun kudos on her "Truth Decay," in the October 13 issue. I do not know how she took fifty years of history and put it all into that piece and made it actually work. She's top-notch.
I now finally have an idea of what went on there, and I've never gotten that before, because, much like the case itself, most of the press has been so convoluted you can't tell which way is up.
To tell the truth:Patricia Calhoun's article on Rocky Flats was simply superb. Please, please, please follow up on this subject and continue to tell it like it is.
Apocalypse now:Just this morning on truthout.com, I read "Islamic terrorists attack in southern Russia," "Iraq," "2 million people homeless in post-earthquake Pakistan," "Katrina aftermath," plus "Bird flu in Turkey" and possibly in my turkey this Thanksgiving holiday (insert your own non-funny joke here). I am concurrently depressed and vigorously fascinated. The other night while drinking, I accidentally poured Jäger into my wine glass of Shiraz, swirled it around and drank it down. I did this twice and have coined it the "Shagerzz."
But this letter is meant to thank Adam Cayton-Holland and What's So Funny for the spoonful of sugar they provide me weekly, especially with last week's issue. A devout reader, I save the articles as part of my own disaster kit. Thank you, Westword.
Circus jerks:Chains, chains and more chains. When will this continuous torture end for circus elephants? Adam Cayton-Holland's excellent column in the October 6 issue brought this realization home to me once again, and, hopefully, to the general public as well.
It's so frustrating that nothing is being done to stop this cruel, inhumane treatment of these majestic animals. Will a solution ever be found?
Boycotting Columbus Day makes about as much sense as an inflatable dartboard. Indeed, Columbus took part in some malicious actions that had a malignant impact on American Indians. But these actions are no more severe than, say, the actions of some, if not all, of our American presidents. Should we boycott President's Day, too? After all, Truman dropped two atomic bombs that burned and killed thousands and thousands and thousands of civilians. Remember Nixon? By the way, Jefferson Davis was an American president.