Critical Fatwa
Diddy
All hail Big Poppa! Not only was the Notorious B.I.G. a master storyteller and MC, but he also has never humped a corpse. That may seem faint praise for such a legend. However, his lack of necrophilia sets Biggie apart from his friends and family, who have turned his moldy bones into the town bicycle. Witness the new Biggie Duets album, on which Puffy Combs is creating collaborations between the deceased and such luminaries as Nelly, Eminem, Snoop Dogg and Missy Elliot. For greasing up your greed and rutting once more in the rotting flesh of your friend, we proclaim a fatwa on you, Diddy!
Combs's perversions know no limit. He has actually created a corpse daisy chain with this record, putting Biggie on one track with 2Pac (!) and another with Bob Marley (!!). He should replace his sunglasses and chain with an orgy-guy mustache and a pickax.
Fatwa! Fatwa! Fatwa! Diddy, you have bored new holes into Biggie almost since the day he died. In the afterlife, may he have his way with you. It is written.
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