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Strange but True

A year of dysfunctional family values -- and missing panties.

Jesus Wept

Sean "P. Diddy" Combs demands that a large stained-glass window that adorns the walls of the Church nightclub -- which is housed in an old church building on Lincoln Street -- be covered for Diamonds and Furs, the rap star's VIP party during the NBA All-Star Weekend in February. The window depicts Jesus Christ with his disciples. As for Diddy's flock, they're largely ignored: Combs spends about an hour in the club's balcony, occasionally waving to fans below, before splitting.

Sighted

P. Diddy, Lil Jon, Jenna Bush (and the Secret Service), Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake, U2, Lenny Kravitz, the Eagles, Allen Iverson, Lionel Ritchie, Vivica Fox and Fergie are sighted at Cherry Creek's JW Marriott, which emerges as D-Town's celebrity crib in its first year of business.

Not Sighted

In September, Dennis Rodman blows off a date with the Summit County Court, where he was due to answer to charges of reckless driving and speeding that he picked up while cruising near Frisco -- going 98 mph in a $250,000 yellow and black Lamborghini Gallardo. At an earlier stop, Rodman had been accused of helping himself to a hat and paying just twenty dollars of a forty-dollar bill at a Glenwood Springs gas station. An anonymous fan covered those charges, though, and Rodman ultimately settles with Summit County by paying a $516 fine and donating $200 to 4-H programs.

"The Least Surprising Legal Development of the Year"

That's what Denver lawyer and CBS legal commentator Andrew Cohen calls the March announcement that Katelyn Faber's civil lawsuit against Kobe Bryant has been settled out of court for an undisclosed sum.

The Cookie Monster

"They've robbed us of our laughter. My spirit, my soul, is damaged." That's how Wanita "Renea" Young, a 49-year-old Durango woman, explains why she sued two teenage girls for dropping cookies on her back doorstep. After her successful suit receives international attention, the Wal-Mart cashier and food-bank volunteer -- who claims the late-night cookie drop triggered an anxiety attack -- gets threatening letters and phone calls, including one that suggests she would be better off in a ditch.

Smitten

In October, Esquire names Boulder-born sex bomb Jessica Biel the "Sexiest Woman Alive" after one of the slowest reveals in publishing history. Photos of Biel's various body parts have been published -- and lavishly praised -- for months before she is identified as their owner. Esquire editor A.J. Jacobs attributes Biel's indisputable sexiness to her "star" posture: "She could hold an apple between her shoulder blades."

Bitten

After a hotel maid loses the tip of her finger to Jack, a capuchin monkey brought to town for the NBA All-Star Weekend in February, the monkey is quarantined at the Denver Municipal Animal Shelter for thirty days. During his stay in town, Jack eats junk food and lounges around in a miniature Carmelo Anthony jersey, which eventually causes a rash and has to be cut off his body. Jack also throws monkey crap at the staff and engages in self-love activities before he's shipped back to his owner in Dayton, Ohio.

Monkey Gang

Not long after Jack the Monkey is sprung from the D-Town jail, eight marmosets and one Java macaque, all of which are illegal in Colorado, are impounded at the Denver Municipal Animal Shelter after their owner is busted for drugs. The animals stay for a few weeks before being transported to Arizona, passing the time by stinking up the place with foul-smelling protective odors.

Fixed

In August, Lance Armstrong's puppy, Rex, a gift from Armstrong squeeze Sheryl Crow, undergoes open-heart surgery at Colorado State University's James L. Voss Veterinary Teaching Hospital. Surgeons sew a heart valve made from cow tissue into the nine-month-old yellow Lab's faulty ticker. The hospital has also treated Bart the Bear, who took a bite out of Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall.

Lost and Found Department

Alicia Keys leaves her laptop on the Frontier jet that brings the R&B singer from Austin to Denver in March. The next day, as Keys prepares to fly to Phoenix, a member of her 29-person entourage retrieves the machine from Frontier management.

Lost and Found, Again

Alicia Keys's laptop is left in the boarding area when the singer and her posse hop a Frontier flight in Denver that's bound for Phoenix.

An Evil Endorsement

In May, The Exorcist's Linda Blair lends her support to a campaign challenging the City of Denver's ban on pit bulls.

But You Can Have It for a Song

Singer-songwriter Dan Fogelberg puts his 610-acre Mountain Bird Ranch in Pagosa Springs on the market for $17.5 million. The pad, which is near the Wolf Creek ski area, includes a four-bedroom mansion, a six-bedroom guest house, a heated barn and indoor riding arena, an indoor greenhouse with waterfall and pond, a gas station and a recording studio.

The Hair Apparent

"Penny, you out yo' damn mind." According to the November issue of Esquire, that's the response of Nuggets star Carmelo Anthony to director Penny Marshall's stipulation that he lose his cornrows if he wants to star in a major Hollywood film.

Outta His Damn Mind

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