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From the week of January 5, 2006

Burn, Baby, Burn

Punk'd:In response to Patricia Calhoun's "Hall of Shame" column in the December 29 issue, we of the alleged "hippie-kid collective" would like to say that we are not fucking hippies. Just today, we drank 42 beers and upper-decked a Whole Foods toilet. We are punks, dammit. We believe in burning it down, knocking it over, having sex with it or leaving it alone. Some of us may have beards, but only because we use our razor blades for street fights and cutting crank. Call us pacifists and we'll pass a fist into your face. Not hippies, as in "Whoah, dude"; punk, as in "Fuck you!"

P.S. We sniff glue every day!

Name withheld on request


Fishing for Compliments

Tanks for the memories:I have to hand it to Jason Sheehan for a brilliant piece of work in "Finding Nemo," his review of the Aquarium in the December 22 issue. I have read Sheehan's Cafe column for a long time, and this was one of his best. He tells it like it is and is a talented writer.

I laughed for fifteen minutes straight reading this.

Brian K. Stewart
Denver

Up from the depths:I was in another holiday funk, bombarded by pounds of advertising inserts in the Post and News designed to create sales with annual Christmas scare tactics -- "only 7 days left," "50 % off" -- all leading to more credit-card debit, tired of the same old Bush on the screen saying the same things, and wishing Jesus and Darwin could have somehow had a drink together.

But my mood changed when I picked up the December 22 Westwordand read "Finding Nemo," that week's restaurant review by Jason Sheehan. Just the first paragraph made me laugh out loud.

When I pick up a copy of Westword, I head for Sheehan's column first. He is a witty, smart and creative wordsmith who offers a different paragraph each time, each more creative than the other. Maybe he's the Hemingway of Denver newspapers.

He made me laugh my way out of my holiday funk.

Art Knott
Denver

Take ten:Dude, "Finding Nemo" was a classic. Since I am a slow reader, it took me twenty minutes to complete it, and I laughed out loud for ten of those minutes. Thanks for the laughs.

Sandy Broder
Denver


Crush to Judgment

Camp followers: I enjoyed Bill Gallo's article about the Arena Football League's Colorado Crush tryout camp ("Dream Team," December 22). It provided a rare glimpse into the motivations and aspirations of attendees of these camps, along with the coaches' thought processes while evaluating them.

After reading the article, one could almost imagine a movie being made about the attendees' stories, from former Denver Broncos elite prospect Paul Toviessi trying to return to pro football, to George Walker riding the bus to Denver to fulfill a dream of getting into pro football.

Although football fans realize that teams put forth great effort to procure good players, they almost never see specific examples of these efforts. As a Colorado Crush and Denver Broncos fan, I have always wanted to learn about the player-evaluation process. Thank you for providing access to it. Also, thank you for covering a good, interesting and newsworthy story.

Bob Davidson
Denver

Try, try again: Bravo! Great job on the Colorado Crush tryout camp! I'm a huge Arena football and Crush fan, and it was good to see another perspective on the game I love. Most Arena players are just like George Walker: determined to play a game that most would never test.

Thank you for showing other readers that not all professional sports are infested with egomaniacal players like the T.O.s of the "No Fun League." (That's the NFL.)

Buck Buttshaw
Aurora


The Whole Whine Yards

Between Iraq and a hard place:Regarding Adam Cayton-Holland's December 8 What's So Funny:

What the heck is wrong with this guy? Talk about a whine-and-cheese fan. I've been a season-ticket holder for years, and my biggest complaint about the new stadium is the suddenly stupid fans who sit there like relentless stupid turds, who want everything pristine and pretty so they can be seen like beauty queens waving with opera glasses for the cameras. These are the same slack-jawed morons who can't name anyone on the roster, don't know anything about the sport and, if the defense was in cover two, would probably point at half the players on the field and go, "Is that 27 Champ Bailey? How about number 55? Which one is Champ Bailey?"

If this "fan" could find it in his heart to never attend another football game, I would be thankful. I haven't been to a game in a while, but I would like my stadium cleared of whine and cheese.

I'm in Iraq right now. Wish Adam was here.

Name withheld on request

Ear's looking at you:Adam Cayton-Holland, dude, I got something for your left ear: Go, Broncos! If you don't want to listen to people support their team in their stadium, there is this new invention called television. Stay home so some of us who enjoy yelling and cheering can get seats and help make a difference in the game. Otherwise, put up and shut up.

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