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Going Underground

Jesse Morreale's basement tapes.

But you shouldn't do that, because your server was likely not part of the idiot committee that came up with this practice and so shouldn't be punished for its result. The simplest solution (although it involves some math) is to subtract the automatic gratuity from the amount you'd normally tip, then add the rest to the tip line, sign off on the bill and find somewhere else to take your friends. But you could also tip your usual amount, then steal some silverware to make up for the "gratuity."

As for deliberately shorting a server who deliberately gives bad service -- for me, 15 percent is an insult-level tip. Anything less than that and I start feeling guilty and cheap, since most servers are working for less than three bucks an hour to start, and jerks gotta pay the bills, too. Even when the food is terrible and the space a nightmare, I generally tip in the 20 percent range because none of that is your server's fault.

For the record, I tipped 16.67 percent at Panzano (and that's on the total tab, including liquor and tax), so the waitress may not even have known she'd been screwed -- but hey, what matters is that it was good for me.

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