Beauty and the Bestiality

Quit horsing around, Bob Beauprez!

It's about time. Three decades ago, a few months into Boulder's brief fling with same-sex marriage, MacFarlane handed down his decision that such unions were illegal in Colorado. With that, then-Boulder DA Alex Hunter told Rorex that the wedding party was over.

"Do we allow a man to marry a sheep?" Rowland asked, then answered herself. "At some point, we have to draw a line."

Coloradans should draw it right at Rowland.

Band on the Run

Timing is everything. Ten days ago, a young thrash/post-punk band out of Houston released Ugly/Heartless, its debut LP on Texas-based Pluto Records -- and no sooner had the disc hit the streets than the shit hit the fan. Because when these musicians banded together during a sweltering summer three years ago, they chose as their name The Jonbenet, never realizing just how hot things could get.

The last few days have been a "nightmare," admits publicist Andrew Steinthal. And finally, in response to a media onslaught that knocked out the band's website (, the bandmembers issued this explanation of their name:

The JonBenet Ramsey murder happened when we were all 11 and 12 years old. The media's saturation of the story was obsessive and extreme, and being that young, we were immediately detached from the reality of what happened. The name JonBenet became a piece of pop culture of our generation. Fast forward to 2003 when we started the band and needed a name before our first show. The Ramsey case had been long gone off the media's radar, but the name Jonbenet came up as a possible band name. We all agreed that we liked the name itself, and that it was far away from being another cliché band name. So we named our band The Jonbenet.

There was never any intention to mock or belittle what happened to JonBenet Ramsey. To think we have ever wanted to gain notoriety from the connection to the murder is just wrong. To us, the name was and is still just a word.

We recognize the current news event has again brought this issue to the forefront. We've already turned down numerous press requests for comments because we have nothing to say that's any different than anyone else. If he did it, let him hang.

The most famous musician to emerge from Boulder, Jello Biafra, knows that a clever name can be both a blessing and a curse. After all, he named his seminal punk band the Dead Kennedys. "You pick a band name that strikes a nerve, you have to be able to back it up," says Biafra from his home in San Francisco. "But we sure have come a long way since the Mothers had to add 'of Invention' to their name in order to get their major label to release their album."

Biafra hadn't heard of The Jonbenet before this week, but "people have already played with JonBenét, anyway." Including him. On, his website, the musician's history begins with this: "1958 - Biafra born and raised in Boulder, CO, six blocks from the JonBenet Ramsey murder site. So far, he has not been named as a suspect." And when Biafra made Never Breathe What You Can't See with the Melvins in 2004, Biafra dubbed himself "Osama McDonald" while Buzz Osborne was Jon Benet Milosevic.

"Now, after this delusional guy made his confession in order to escape being sent to a Thai prison, JonBenét is back in the news," he says. "The whole thing is a huge, uniquely Boulderish tragedy. Had JonBenét lived, she might well be plaguing us as the next Britney Spears right now. So a major cultural catastrophe has been avoided."

There's always room for Jello.

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