Red Beer

Mama, please let your babies grow up to be cowboys. I've always had a thing for cowboys, so I should have known we were in trouble when we sat down in the Cowboy Bar -- a temporary saloon that sets up in the Hall of Education basement during every Stock Show -- and started chatting with the cute cowboys next to us. The leader of the pack (make that herd) was named Bo, and he was every bit as sexy as Heath Ledger, except without any question about his sexuality. He was all man, from his Stetson down to his tight Wranglers. He came to the table with an armload of red beers ($5, $3.50 happy hour) and announced that the reason cowboys drink red beer is because the tomato juice in the beer is the only form of vegetable they consume during the Stock Show. After distributing drinks to the ladies (his posse had to rustle up their own), he raised a glass and offered the following toast: "Here's to the bee that stung the bull that started the world a-buckin'. Here's to Adam who stung Eve and started the world a-fuckin'." As we city folk listened, Bo continued to impart his cowboy wisdom. At one point, a cowboy from another ranch walked up and asked, "How ya doin', Bo?" His answer: "Not worth a shit, but thanks for askin'." His buddy then said he needed to tend to his cows but that he'd come back later and have a beer if we were going to be around for a while. Bo's answer: "I wouldn't leave this place if it was on fire." Thanks to Bo and the rest of the cowboys, it was definitely smokin'.