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Pluck You

Hmm. Would you rather live in Commerce City or KentuckyFriedCruelty.com?

Who's on first?Parade marshal Joey Skaggshas just announced the lineup for the 22nd annual April Fools' Day Parade in New York City, with people playing such notable fools as "John Mark Karrdressed as JonBenét Ramsey," along with a "Blatant-Hypocrites float featuring ex-Congressman Mark Foley, ex-pastor Ted Haggard, Boulder Colorado District Attorney Mary Lacy and Durham County North Carolina District Attorney Mike Nifong," the announcement promises. "The King or Queen of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers of the crowd at Washington Square Park."

Or based on which reporter is duped into actually covering the parade -- which has been imaginary for the past 21 years. It exists only in the fertile mind of media-hoax artist Skaggs -- and on the thousands of releases he sends to media organizations each year. Still, we couldn't help but note that Colorado figured prominently in this year's cast of imaginary characters. "Fools come from all kinds of places," Skaggs told us, adding that he's spent time in Boulder and that "I spared all of you."

Hmmm, spent time in Boulder? Could he be related to that famous Skaggs -- not Boz, not Ricky, but former congressman David Skaggs, who's now filling the education slot in Governor Bill Ritter's cabinet? "There are more skeletons in the closet," Joey Skaggs says. Hey, we're not biting.

In lieu of the parade, on April 1 Skaggs will introduce a new website, pranks.com, devoted to the fine art of tomfoolery.

Scene and herd: Odd that at the same time the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National Wildlife Refugewas importing sixteen bison from Montana, Lakewood was reducing its known bison population by 50 percent when it shot an errant bison roaming the streets of Jeffco. According to Holly Gilbertson, supervisor of Lakewood Animal Control, it's legal to own a bison if a property is large enough and has adequate fencing; this particular bison's owner was as surprised as everyone else that his giant charge had managed to escape, then elude every attempt to capture him.

Finally, last week an Off Limits operative caught Kenyon Martin in his hot, black Phantom Bentley convertible, parked outside the Beauvallon on Lincoln Street, dodging free cups of joe from a local coffee-shop owner and waiting patiently for someone to emerge from the building. That someone? Fellow Nugget Reggie Evans, who'd apparently borrowed one of K-Mart's shirts. Driving around town in his Bentley, tracking down errant belongings? Could someone be thinking of packing up his possessions -- and packing it in?

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