Top

news

Stories

 

No Pain, No Gain

The Enclave has Commerce City fit to be tied.

The gray-haired professor cracks his whip in mid-air. "Wake up back there!" he commands the two dozen folks lounging around on plush cream couches.

Anthony Camera
Deb O’Keefe and Michael R., the Enclave’s owners, enjoy their family ties.
Anthony Camera
Deb O’Keefe and Michael R., the Enclave’s owners, enjoy their family ties.

It's time for class.

"It is particularly important to understand the physics of the paddle," says the professor, who is wearing tight, black leather pants. "The secret ingredient in flogging is rhythm. You don't have to hit people with much force to have a big impact. Not to take anything away from you sadists," he adds, with a nod to those who look slightly put out.

As his students munch on sandwiches, he proceeds to describe proper paddling. How to swing from the shoulder, not the wrist. How to avoid possible "emotional landmines," such as hitting the tailbone. How to apply soothing lotions when the scene is complete -- "basic skin care, people."

BDSM -- bondage, domination, sadism and masochism -- isn't all about whips and paddles. It's about skin care, birthday cakes and the community that gathers here at the Enclave, an alcohol-free, 9,500-square-foot facility decorated with Persian rugs and framed artwork and complete with a smoking lounge, handicap-accessible bathrooms, high-speed computer terminals and a game room. The two play spaces are equipped with only the finest bondage tables, steel cages, spanking benches and suspension racks available.

This is the Cadillac of dungeons. And that's just what the Enclave's owners, Michael R. and Deb O'Keefe, set out to create. The husband-and-wife team has spent the past five years building a place that's never existed in Colorado, they say, a place where the BDSM community can gather, interact and play without fear of police raids or neighborhood protests.

As the event calendar at www.enclavewest.com attests, this converted warehouse is kept hopping most nights of the week by folks into alternative lifestyles. On Wednesday, there's a beginners' discussion for those trying to understand the differences between bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. In another room that same night, there's a Narcotics Anonymous meeting for BDSM practitioners. There are monthly groups for lifestyle dominants, those into controlling their partners, and other sessions for lifestyle submissives, those into physically or emotionally surrendering to others. Saturday nights are almost always reserved for dues-paying members to have their play parties -- when the clothes come off and the whips come out.

Tonight's $15 social event is open to members of the 21-and-up general public; all nudity and sexual activity is strictly limited. It's a time when the professor can instruct newbies on paddling, and when Michael, who's sitting with Deb in the back of the room, can holler out, as the professor bends his volunteer over a bench, "Whack her!"

The professor, paddle in hand, does so, building in intensity to the beat of the Alice in Chains songs blaring from the sound system.

Sitting on an angry chair...

Whack!

Angry walls that steal the air...

Whack!

Stomach hurts and I don't care...

Whack! Whack!

The scene ends, and the professor lovingly hugs his volunteer. "That's all for tonight," he says. "Of all the things we do, I think paddling is the hardest to master."

But the professor could be wrong about that. Michael and Deb are now locked in a legal battle with Commerce City over whether their club should be allowed to operate. And they're discovering that it could take more than a whip to beat this image-conscious town into submission.

When Michael and Deb aren't at the Enclave, they're perfectly happy sitting in their suburban Parker home, chain-smoking Winstons and finishing each other's sentences -- "Some people would find us..." "...boring" -- as they explain how they ended up at the center of Denver's BDSM community.

Being a gentleman, Michael lets Deb tell her story first -- though if he wanted to, he could force her to stop at any time. That's how their carefully negotiated 24/7 dominant/submissive relationship works: He always has that veto in his pocket -- whether over what she makes for dinner or what they do in bed -- though he hardly ever uses it, and he doesn't use it now.

So Deb begins, explaining how seven years ago, at age 46, newly divorced with a grown son and a grandchild, she decided to explore why she got turned on when guys told her they were going to own her.

A petite native New Yorker with a spark-plug personality, she was unsure how her career-woman background -- former restaurant manager, real-estate business owner and substance-abuse counselor -- fit with her submissive tendencies. "I was very feminist, and I still am. So the thought of a man flogging me -- what, are you nuts?" she says with a cackling laugh. "How do I, as a very powerful, self-actualized woman, give my power away?" But she decided that true self-confidence came with allowing her partner to meet her needs, even if that meant giving her power away in order to do so. "It's fed my sexual needs, but believe it or not, it's also fed my spiritual needs," she says. "If I'm tied up, it's like being swaddled. I don't have to be a wife, a mom or Deb. I can simply be."

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next Page >>
 
  • Deah6969 06/06/2011 1:31:00 AM

    i am interested n more info....is there a way to contact Ms. Deb or Michael id like if they could contact me @ deah6969@msn.com

  • Deb 04/20/2007 12:02:00 AM

    Ecco, Those terms don't mean what you think they mean, not in the bdsm community anyway. It expresses a form of power-exchange, not the non-consentual slavery of years past and tragically, even in today's world. I don't enjoy the terms "Master/slave" and don't use them myself, but I have a bi-racial son and those terms rub me the wrong way perhaps because of that.

  • Ecco 04/18/2007 11:10:00 PM

    People should be able to do whatever they want in the privacy of their relationships, but BDSM seems to lend itself to the dark parts of one's past. Slave? Master? Yes, some of these folks are eloquent, educated and fine human beings I'm sure, and I'd prefer them as neighbors to a strip club any day, but seriously folks this scene is so silly. We really need more public mental health care in this country.

  • John Kuma 04/15/2007 4:44:00 AM

    Thank you for a well researched and open view of the the BDSM lifestyle.

  • Sarete Kinsey 04/15/2007 4:21:00 AM

    I love the wording in this article. And it was well researched,upbeat and openminded. Alot of BDSM communities around the U.S. will be keeping their eyes on this case.

  • Tom Wilmot 04/15/2007 12:49:00 AM

    Shado - I agree that shrill polemics rarely do anything but make the person on the soapbox feel self-important. At the same time, it's not unreasonable to expect any governing body to act with equity, since they are sort of required by both the State and Federal constitutions to allow all citizens equal access to the law. Again, I applaud Michael and Deb for taking the slow, arduous and yet ultimately ethical, honest and reasonable approach to their zoning and licensing issues. If it works, it would be the logical template for any and all other groups and persons seeking nothing other than a fair and equitable shake in America. Tom, aka insert

  • Shado 04/14/2007 11:02:00 PM

    While I applaud Joel for writing the article in the manner in which it was published and the courage it took to shine the light on a segment of our community that never gets talked about, I want to add some notes of caution, here. This fight is only beginning. As I read the comments from my fellow lifestylers, I'm reminded that this is still a country where we can vote to make changes in our laws, both positive and negative. Thats what freedom is all about. Its why the 1st Amendment is worded as it is. With that being said, lets not throw stones at the local governments that are trying to act on behalf of the "majority" of their constituents. They have an obligation to legislate on behalf of their districts, just as we seek to have our views heard and respected by them. We must remember that while we are vocal and action oriented, we are still a minority group. If we decide, in our passion for seeking our own justice, that we must hurl insults and barbs at the local civic leaders and the christian fundamental groups, I fear that we are aiming the guns at our own ship. Ask politicians how important it is to gain the support of Focus on the Family and other conservative groups. They are powerful, surprisingly large and when properly stimulated and motivated on an issue, they will rise up with incredible ferocity to effect changes in government and local issues. Let's not waken the sleeping giant with petty nastiness and mud slinging. We've earned much respect for our lifestyle in recent times, as evidenced by the fact that we can gain the kind of positive publicity that's exhibited here. The key is to be gentle, strong and consistent, in that order.

  • Sharon 04/14/2007 6:27:00 PM

    Wow... after reading the comments written so far, there is hardly anything to say that would not be repetitive. I agree wholeheartedly with Tom's comments, as well as Tweet's, Indigo's, Chuck's, and many more. This is the beginning of something that could be HUGE. I hope and pray that Michael and Deb are willing and able to continue the battle. The BDSM community nationwide will reap the benefits. Thank you, Joel, for taking the time to get to know us a little bit. I hope to see you at the club again.... notepad in hand... and hope to see follow up articles. You did an excellent job. Mistress Sharon

  • Rebecc a 04/13/2007 8:27:00 PM

    As always the Westword is cutting edge and provocative..... As it happens this issue is very close to my heart and other body parts (giggles). Our way of life has been ridiculed and condemned for years by not only mainstream society but also by the medical community. I applaud Westword in investigating and finding out the truth and choosing to publish the article. submissively yours, rebecca

  • MastersJ 04/13/2007 8:13:00 PM

    This article was well written from the point of a non lifestyle (Thanks Joel) but one can not truly know what it is all about unless it is felt within. We are scorned like those that serve and defend this country because we feel the loyalty and love for it while these others reap the benefits. They complain and belittle that which they truly know nothing about and label to fit their narrow views and feel justified about it. The hate and prejudice runs deep in the country even for things that are suppose to be or is said to be accepted. The diversity that once made this country so great is now being torn apart by none acceptance of it. Freedom of choice is being regulated to the point that freedom does not exist. If you do not chose it, so be it, but do not judge those that do. This article has only touched the surface and did not mention the origin of BDSM, RACK (Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink), SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) or the amount of time, energy, learning and self put into it etc. Nor the Brotherhood or Sisterhood of those in it. "What lies behind us and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson Respectfully MJ

  • Jane 04/13/2007 6:11:00 PM

    Thank you to the Westword and to Joel Warner: When Michael and Deb set out to create this club and to protect it from the law by following the law to the letter, it was for Denver and its BDSM "community". It was to give BDSM practicioners a safe, warm, clean, gorgeous place to express themselves freely. It wasn't just about getting down, dirty, and hopefully a little bit sweaty. It was about an idea that the community deserved a place to be themselves, to ask questions, to learn, to teach, to boast, to socialize, and yes, even to play. Is the legal battle over? No. Not for Michael and Deb most likely and especially not for the BDSM community nationwide. This is a drop in the national bucket when it comes to garnering tolerance and abolishing legal discrimination against BDSM participants. But it is a drop. It's another case to support other organizations and clubs in waging their own private battles in their own cities. And every drop counts. It may not always feel like we accomplished much in this victory...but we did. It'll make it harder for cities to deny us our rights. It'll make it harder for the Focus on the Family-type groups to shove their right wing, morally anal retentive, bigoted views down our throats. It'll make it easier to hold our heads up high and be able to say "I'm kinky and proud!" I am proud of the woman I am. I am proud of my leather family for fighting for MY rights. I am proud to be involved in a lifestyle that fulfills me - mind, body, and spirit. I am proud that Michael, Deb, the District Court of Appeals, Joel Warner, and the Westword changed the world yesterday... We changed the world yesterday. One little itty bitty ripple...and I feel it. Michael & Deb's NaBN, tweet

  • Deb O'Keefe 04/13/2007 4:43:00 PM

    Thanks for being so open to our battle. You spent an awful lot of time to try to understand who we are and what we do. Kudos! BTW: We recieved the Appeals Court decision the same day as this article was published. Give me a call *cackle*

  • Deb OKeefe 04/13/2007 4:13:00 PM

    Thanks Joel. We were all so worried after that horrible piece in 5280, but you have made a difference in this community. So many are now saying thanks after predicting doom. BTW: The day this article came out, we got the Appeals court decision *cackling* Gotta call if you wanna know what the decision is...

  • Scottie Ewing 04/13/2007 3:40:00 PM

    BRAVO! I had NO idea that the Westword had a competent and fair reporter! You make Jared Jacang Maher's articles look like 4th grade submissions. Jared can only hope to aspire to be half the journalist you are. This is an outstanding piece; Informative, unbiased, fair, and most importantly, accurate.

  • Sheila 04/13/2007 12:56:00 PM

    Thank you for an article that shows, as Americans in a GREAT Country; we can all enjoy activities that may not be main stream. This is a freedom other countries don't always enjoy. The Enclave is a well run, beautiful club. And has some of the friendliest people you'll ever meet. Deb and Michael are showing us they won't give up on protecting our rights. Bravo!!!

  • Tom Wilmot 04/13/2007 11:18:00 AM

    Nice article. Sadly, we live in a world where the realities of free expression and the Constitutional concept of same are separated by a wide gulf of assumptive offense. From both a physical and legal standpoint, the Enclave has bent over backwards to be non-intrusive. Anyone driving past the property on a Saturday "Member's Only" night would be hard pressed to know it's there. Honestly, you have to be informed and aware to even know it's there. There used to be an old rule of thumb that "as long as you didn't frighten the horses" what you did or didn't do was your own business. Sometime in the 1950's every side of the equation discovered just how much fun it is to monkey with the concept of free speech. Liberal, conservative, fundamentalist or atheist - getting masses of people to jump through the hoop you've constructed has become a barrel of laughs. Social engineering through legislation and judicial ruling at it's finest. The sort of machinations governing bodies go through to deny personal freedoms without setting themselves up to be knocked down on a violation of 1st Amendment rights is poisoning the body politic - conceptually and practically. It widens the gap between the electorate and the elected. The owners of the Enclave seem to be dealing with the powers that be in an open and upfront manner; one wishes that the various governing bodies they're dealing with would operate in the exact same manner. At the end of the day, this isn't about "who's whacking whom" - it's about transparency, accountability, responsibility and the social contract between a government and it's constituents. As anyone in the BDSM community will tell you, when you lose the trust of your partner, you lose everything. Good luck, kids Tom aka insert

  • OuchiMomma 04/13/2007 7:02:00 AM

    Excellent article! Keep up the good fight, Deb and Michael! Nice to know the Enclave is going strong, and so is the BDSm community. *Licks* -- Jess (Ouchi)

  • Chuck 04/13/2007 5:54:00 AM

    Thanks to Joel for a well written and fair assesment of the Enclaves struggles and his impression's of the bdsm community in Denver. Even if one does agree with what we do Commerce City had no right to dick with the Enclave over a perfectly allowable use of thier property for so long and in such a ridiculous manner. Losing the tape of a city council hearing. Gee I thought goverments learned from Watergate.

  • indigo 04/13/2007 5:46:00 AM

    Journalism at it's finest! Objective, fair and well researched. I believe that no one should be discriminated against for how they choose to live their lives as long as it does not personally harm others. Your view into this tantalizing and exciting community is accurate and welcome. While others may not agree with how we play the right to play as we will is inherent in the Constitution. I do not particularly care for olives but they have every right to appear on the grocery store shelf next to the pickles that I adore. Hats off Michael and Deb who are leading the fight to protect basic American rights so desperately struggled for and won by our forefathers and mothers. It is people like them that will keep us mindful that this is the land of the free.

  • Frank 04/13/2007 5:42:00 AM

    So how does "Loveslave" allow Nudity and sex with a social club licence? If one could get around Adult content and nudity laws just by being private and a social club why stop at BDSM activitis and not just open up a full on whorehouse?

  • tamsen 04/13/2007 4:29:00 AM

    I appreciate that the Westword had the courage to publish an article about something that is relatively outside of the mainstream. If Westword wouldn't do it, who would? I only hope that any other papers that pick it up handle it so well. Deb and Michael are pioneers. And Joel did a great job of keeping this article fairly unbiased and positive.

  • sooz 04/13/2007 3:58:00 AM

    Thank you so much for such a wonderful article.

  • Missy 04/13/2007 3:32:00 AM

    Thank you for giving this fight a larger voice and for looking at the community with an open mind. Missy~

  • kahi 04/12/2007 9:55:00 PM

    Thank you so much for a great article.

 
Browse Voice Nation
  • Voice Places

    Voice Places

    Discover restaurants, nightlife, travel, shopping...

  • VOICE Daily Deals

    VOICE Daily Deals

    Get 50 to 90% off every day on restaurants, movies, massages...

  • Best Of

    Best Of...

    More than 10,000 of the BEST things to eat, drink, and experience

  • My Voice Nation

    My Voice Nation

    Join the Village Voice community and get exclusive deals and info

  • Happy Hour

    Happy Hour

    Your local Happy Hour guide at your fingertips

or

Log in or Sign up

Social Connect:

Use your favorite account to access My Voice Nation.


Use your My Voice Nation account to log in:





Forgot password?
or

Sign Up or Log in

Social Connect:

Sign up for My Voice Nation with your preferred network.


Sign up for a My Voice Nation account:



Privacy policy