Goodbye, Cruel Real World

Stephen: I'll admit there were moments when I tolerated you, but all in all, those moments were outweighed by instances when I despised your Republican ass, like when you were acting so bitch-made as an Outward Bound instructor. Remember when you had to go to a wedding for your sister and you smugly said you didn't feel bad about leaving because you were going to see people you actually cared about? As opposed to the campers who you could give two shits about? I can't wait until you're running for city council in whatever satellite suburb you move you and your unfortunate wife to, and someone points out that it was Hurricane Katrina victims you snubbed. You say you want to be a politician, yet you can't even sit still for a photo op with Katrina victims? Way to go, James Carville.

Tyrie: I like you. I really do. You were the most laid-back of the bunch. Every once in a while you said funny things. I saw you go for a jog in one episode, and there was another when you were cold chilling on the 16th Street Mall by yourself. I appreciate your getting to know Denver a little better. I just wish you hadn't gotten to know detox. Don't get me wrong: Going to detox is a badge of honor among my friends. But you damn near smacked a ho before you did it. And that bumped you to second on the list for coolest Real World member. I'm not down with hitting women. Unless it's Brooke, of course. Then you can hit the shit out of her.

Alex: You win because you're normal. And you banged a lot of chicks. Way to go, Alex!

Yes, it's been a crazy ride, Real World: Denver, but it's time to leave. If you'll allow me to steal a goodbye from an episode of Cribs, I would like to say that we invited you in, we showed you all of our cars, we showed you a four-block radius of our city that you never wandered from, but now you gots to get the fuck out.

And please, pretty, pretty please, never come back.