Goodbye, Cruel Real World

Denver says goodbye to the worst cast ever.

Jenn: I have to say, you were the coolest girl. Yeah, you were a whore, but you owned being a whore. And I appreciate that. I also appreciate your fantastic tits, but who in God's name do you think you are fooling with those eyebrows, girlfriend? They're hideous! Here's a tip: When you're ripping out chunks of flesh, you may be over-plucking. At that point, you probably thought, "I'll just paint them back on and nobody will notice how freakish my eyebrows look." And that thought would be true, if by "nobody" you meant "all of America."

Tyrie: I like you. I really do. You were the most laid-back of the bunch. Every once in a while you said funny things. I saw you go for a jog in one episode, and there was another when you were cold chilling on the 16th Street Mall by yourself. I appreciate your getting to know Denver a little better. I just wish you hadn't gotten to know detox. Don't get me wrong: Going to detox is a badge of honor among my friends. But you damn near smacked a ho before you did it. And that bumped you to second on the list for coolest Real World member. I'm not down with hitting women. Unless it's Brooke, of course. Then you can hit the shit out of her.

Alex: You win because you're normal. And you banged a lot of chicks. Way to go, Alex!

Yes, it's been a crazy ride, Real World: Denver, but it's time to leave. If you'll allow me to steal a goodbye from an episode of Cribs, I would like to say that we invited you in, we showed you all of our cars, we showed you a four-block radius of our city that you never wandered from, but now you gots to get the fuck out.

And please, pretty, pretty please, never come back.

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