Jonesing

New Life Church has gotten a makeover since Ted Haggard left as Mike Jones reports from the inside.

This past Sunday was not a good day for New Life Church. Soulforce was out in force outside the Colorado Springs super-church, protesting its support of reparative therapy for the likes of Ted Haggard, New Life founder and (former?) male escort- and meth-using media sensation. Then Mike Jones, the escort in question, showed up for a book signing at a gay bar in the town where the major chains refused to carry his book, I Had to Say Something: The Art of Ted Haggard's Fall. The bar had its big TV tuned to a local news station so that Jones could watch New Life take a beating in back-to-back stories. You naughty, naughty boy!

The spanking didn't stop there. That same day, Jones dropped by the church with the co-author of his book, journalist Sam Gallegos, who hadn't been there before. "I was recognized by a few," Jones reports. "And I noticed something missing from the church: the muscle dudes. Yes, all forms of homoerotic art are gone! The huge muscle god-like statue that was in center of the atrium has been replaced by a giant cross. The one thing Ted Haggard did not want in his church was anything that looked remotely religious. It appears they have really cleaned house."

Jones has about a half-dozen cities left on his tour: San Diego, Chicago, Palm Springs, maybe Buffalo. He's already done the West Coast, including a Seattle event hosted by Dan Savage, author of Savage Love, where the big question from the audience was this: "Is Ted a shooter or a dribbler?"

Mike Jones signs his tell-all at the Boulder Book Store July 17.
Mike Jones signs his tell-all at the Boulder Book Store July 17.

He'll be back in the Springs this week for appearances at the Gay and Lesbian Center and at Gay Pride events; next week, he'll be in Boulder for a signing at the Boulder Book Store on July 17, as well as a special-guest stint the next night as quizmaster at the Geeks Who Drink trivia game organized by former Colorado Springs resident and raconteur John Dicker at the Irish Rover. "You should see some of the questions I am coming up with," Jones teases. "HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and STEAMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY."

Street dreams: After leaving his car parked overnight at Alameda Avenue and Pearl Street (thanks to a few too many at the Candlelight), an Off Limits operative arrived back at the scene on Sunday morning to find his windshield wipers festooned with a sealed bag of pebbles and a bright-orange flier.

"A-1 Chipseal Co. is under contract with your local government to resurface your street with a three-step process called Chipseal," it explained. "This work will start within a few days of this notice. 'No Parking' signs will be set up a minimum of 24 hours in advance of the work. Please remove vehicles from the street Mon-Fri during the hours of 7:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. until work is completed and signs are removed."

Utterly baffled (read: viciously hung over), our operative looked around and noticed similar pebble packets on every car on the block. A website, www.A-1chipseal.com, did little to answer further questions, particularly Off Limits' most pressing one: If they really wanted to make an impression on the city, why didn't Chipseal skip the cutesy bags of rocks and buy a couple of snowblowers instead?

Scene and herd: As the managers behind Larimer Square, Joe Vostrejs and Margaret Ebeling are used to chic shops and eateries in historic buildings. So it had to be a busman's holiday when they ventured to Crested Butte this week to meet with Larimer Square honcho Jeff Hermanson, whose home in that mountain town happens to be a featured stop on the garden tour hosted by the Crested Butte Wildflower Festival, which runs through July 15. ... After a hearty hike outside of Boulder on the Fourth of July, an overheated fellow declared, "I'm too sexy for my shirt!" and tossed his T-shirt. Make that tea-shirt: The hot-hot hiker was none other than Mo Siegel, founder of Celestial Seasonings.

 
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