The Shizzle

What would Britney do? At one time, she was the biggest pop star on the planet; now her name is just another term for vagina (when used in a sentence: "Her skirt was so short, when she bent over I saw her Britney"). One day, in a silent protest of her recent behavior, my friends and I had an all-Britney day. We went to the drive-thru at Taco Bell, then ran into parked cars and drove away (okay, we're not celebrities, so we actually stopped at ordering tacos). We had our nails polished and let the ladies put tacky flowers on our toes with rhinestones in the center. And when we wanted a drink, we went to Dave & Buster's, because we knew that Britney would wholeheartedly approve. Dave & Buster's screams Middle America with its menu of tempura-fried mushrooms and potato skins. My first cocktail would certainly have Brit's seal of approval: the Snow Cone ($6.75), made with DeKuyper Watermelon Pucker, Malibu rum, Three Olives cherry vodka, blue Curaçao, Sprite and pomegranate syrup over shaved ice — just the thing for people who can drink a 44-ounce Slurpee without fear of brain freeze. You know, Brit's peeps. It was blue on top, red on the bottom and toxic all over, guaranteed to make you jump into a pool with strange college boys. In fact, the taste reminded me of the drinks we made as kids at the pool, mixing 7-Up with a squirt of each snow-cone flavor. But when I spotted the cocktail homage to Britney's homeboy, Snoop Dogg, I abandoned the Snow Cone in favor of the Shizzle ($5.25), made with Malibu Coconut and Malibu Pineapple rums, Stoli Vanil and pineapple juice. Basically just an alcohol-distribution system, it's perfect for underage kids who want to get drunk without tasting an adult drink. I'm guessing that Snoop would prefer gin and juice, but the Shizzle had me saying "Hit me, baby, one more time!"