Black Cherry

As a closet Real World junkie, I was excited to visit Theorie. I'd watched The Real World: Denver and was dying to see what the new owners had done with the building that housed the show. And I heard they'd done plenty, renovating the joint from top to bottom — which was good, because otherwise I would have felt compelled to wear a full body suit of double latex. No telling what those disappointing cast members left behind when they moved on from Denver to wreak their havoc elsewhere. The new look is a chaotic mixture of styles, including — but not limited to — contemporary, baroque, postmodern and vintage; think fabulously ostentatious crystal chandeliers over a glass table with clear plastic chairs. But it all works: I loved the ethereal feel and the cacophony of design elements. And a little of the Real World spirit remains; those booths seem like a great place for a romantic dinner with a lot of making out. To get myself in the mood, I decided to order a martini, but I had some questions about the overly inclusive martini menu. Finally, the woman waiting on us snarled, "Are you going to ask about every martini?" I felt like I'd just been bitch-slapped by one of the Denver cast, and wanted to respond: "Yeah, I know it's hard to believe I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't know what is in the Dirty Vixen, the Elegance, the Sexy, the Naughty and Nice or the Metro, but humor me." (Note to management: It wouldn't hurt to explain the cocktails on the drink menu. You wouldn't even need to say exactly what's in each martini, just something to the effect of "Sexy: a steamy hot combination of melon and Jägermeister.") After that treatment, I needed to test a couple of them. My favorite was the delicious Black Cherry ($10), made with puréed black cherries, Black Cherry Effin, Orange Juice and triple sec. Order a couple of these and you'll get an authentic taste of the Real World — and of what truly happens when people stop being polite and start getting real.