By Bree Davies
By Emerald O'Brien
By Gina Tron
By Jon Solomon
By Drew Ailes
By Courtney Harrell
By Kyra Scrimgeour
With Labor Day upon us, we thought we'd pay tribute to America's celebration of the working man by recognizing the worst jobs in rock. There are few gigs shittier than these.
Guns N' Roses management
June saw the release of nine allegedly mastered tracks from Guns N' Roses' mythical Chinese Democracy, once again fueling speculation that the album might finally be released after a fourteen-year wait. Imagine how it feels to be Irving Azoff, whose Front Line Management is sitting on what could potentially be the biggest album of this or any other year of the millennium but can't profit off of it until a certain Botox-addicted frontman gets his shit together.
R. Kelly's lawyers
Despite the fact that jurors all agreed that R. Kelly did, in fact, piss on someone in a homemade porn video, they let him off because Kelly's superior legal team managed to convince them that the woman accusing him, who would have been a young teenager when the video was made, was not actually the person being, um, pissed on. Sounds a lot like "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit," doesn't it? Wonder how his lawyers sleep at night. In giant homes with eight-car garages, that's how.
It's not easy being Amy Winehouse. Even Amy Winehouse can't keep up with all the boozing, drug abuse, public brawls and general mayhem she's used to help the media shape her into a "celebrity." Want to have some fun? Collect photos of Winehouse from every month for the past two years, flip 'em like a homemade animation book, and watch her deteriorate into the hag from Snow White.
Pete Doherty's lawyer
The only guy in music who likes to get arrested more than DMX is Pete Doherty. At least DMX is identified first as a rapper. Doherty is known first and foremost as a heroin and crack fiend, and is only assumed to be a musician by people because he appears in tabloid photos being called one by editors who, ethically, can't call him what he really is. We're less ethical: Pete Doherty, you're a douchebag. Your lawyers can't possibly make enough defending you to deal with your antics.