By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
Colleen Don Dero got a taste of Colorado recently, but she didn't like it much.
Don Dero, who was born and raised in Colorado before moving to Phoenix several decades ago, runs a hat and T-shirt company called It's All About the Head. The apparel features the company's name as a slogan alongside a mug of beer, overflowing with foam and graced by a set of lipstick-kissed red lips. All about the head, indeed.
But when Don Dero, who is in her fifties, applied for a booth at the upcoming A Taste of Colorado — which takes over Civic Center Park Labor Day weekend — the organizers denied her application. "The double entendre reflected in all of your apparel does not fit within our family Festival," said the group putting on the event for the Downtown Denver Partnership. In other words, take your fellatio puns elsewhere.
Denver's prudey-pants response to Don Dero's request inspired her friend John DeMoss to pen a lengthy retort, which begins, "Tasteless of Colorado?! Obscene queen?! Hardly! [oops!...strike that!]. Granny banned in Denver?!" and continues, "Colleen was under the impression that Denver and its tastes had grown from the cow town of her youth to a chic, sophisticated cosmopolitan modern megalopolis." (For DeMoss's entire rant, go to the Latest Word blog at westword.com.)
Kimberly Greene, who does PR for A Taste of Colorado, says she wasn't aware of the frothy situation and would have to check in to it. She has yet to check back with Off Limits.
With sexual innuendos everywhere, Don Dero's "All About the Head" is hardly the worst, she says. "Contrasted with the sexually-explicit content of family-hour TV and the media — let alone the internet! — our T-shirts are barely risqué!" she and DeMoss insist.
Maybe, maybe not. You can see for yourself at the Great American Beer Festival, which runs September 24 through 26 at the Colorado Convention Center, where Don Dero is again hoping to expose her wares to the crowds — crowds who might better appreciate beer...and head.
Playa haters: It's Fantasy Football season, and if you don't know what we're talking about, then you simply aren't a geeky, no-life sad sack who never gets out of the house — like several Westword staff members. Still, 22 million North Americans waste countless hours on it, and August, when fantasy lovers draft their teams, is the busiest time.
A lot goes into picking the right players. Points, scoring, ease of schedule. Some people (losers) pick based on emotional allegiances, choosing a couple of guys for their hometown team. But you have to be careful: some players carry more than just the risk of screwing up your fantasy season. They can haunt you personally. So we've compiled a list of ten guys you might want to stay away from. The entire list can be found on our Karmic Guide to Fantasy Football 2009 on the Latest Word blog at westword.com, but here's a taste.
Analysis: The former Denver Broncos franchise player was traded to the Bears in the off-season after a very public, very whiny temper tantrum directed at the Broncos and their new, equally punk-ass coach. Cutler stands to do well in Chicago, where his rifle arm could find speedy wide receiver Devin Hester on a frequent basis.
Karmic consequences: Cutler will indeed throw for a lot of touchdowns in 2009, and a lot of interceptions. But just as you start to ride a wave of fantasy wins, right around week six, your ex-girlfriend will "accidentally" posts your gonorrhea-positive test results on her Facebook page during the same week that your boss denies that raise request – and your testicles will swell to the size of small cantaloupes.