What's a Belgian cafe doing on Colfax? Serving very good food.

A A A Comments (5) By Jason Sheehan Thursday, Nov 5 2009

The first time I saw the Cheeky Monk, I thought to myself, "Well, that's going to last about five minutes." An upscale Belgian beer cafe on one of the weirdest, wildest stretches of Colfax? It would be a nice idea somewhere else — like, say, Portland or Antwerp. But as I walked on past the Cheeky Monk, I saw an intemperate fella asleep in the back booth of the Roslyn, his T-shirt riding up over his enormous white belly, then almost got hit by a cop car screeching around the corner in pursuit of ghosts. I figured I could probably make a nice nickel or two laying down a death-pool bet on how long this Monk was going to last. Ten minutes seemed like a safe bet, but I would've been willing to go down to five if the odds were right.

Kyle Kainz delivers a beer at the Cheeky Monk, Denver's only Belgian cafe. See more photos at westword.com/slideshow.

Location Info

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The Cheeky Monk

534 E. Colfax Ave.
Denver, CO 80203

Category: Bars/Clubs

Region: Central Denver

Details

Sausage platter $15
Soft pretzels $6
Cheese croquettes $9
Frites $6
Bangers and mash $11
Belgian waffle $7

534 East Colfax Avenue

303-861-0347

www.thecheekymonk.com

Hours: 11 a.m.-2 a.m. daily

More About

That was two years ago.

The first time I stepped inside the Cheeky Monk, several months after it opened, the acres of polished hardwood flooring were being trod by almost no one except a few dedicated drinkers at the bar and one or two tables on the floor. I was there with another writer, and we joked about the place, inventing back stories for the people there — how this one had gotten lost on his way downtown for a board meeting and was afraid to leave, how that couple considered themselves brave urban pioneers living on the edge: four blocks from the Capitol, drinking only at the Monk (not the Roslyn, certainly) and driving sixty minutes to find a suburban Albertson's rather than shopping at the bodega next door. We had a few drinks (Carlsberg lager, the easiest to pronounce) and then I retired to Tom's Diner across the street, where I re-read the best bits of Down and Out in Paris and London and watched the door of the Cheeky Monk go mostly unused by the nodding drunks and drug dealers, the Roslyn and Nob Hill regulars and night creatures who still populated this stretch of Colfax despite all attempts at gentrification. I wondered how the Monk could possibly attract enough yuppies to keep the lights on, Chads and Buffys willing to brave the neighborhood and mangle the pronunciation of Koningshoeven Quadrupel and Duchesse de Bourgogne and eat sauerkraut. I enjoyed the irony of sitting in an American diner eating crappy french fries while looking at the Belgian restaurant I'd just left.

Here are some things I know about the Belgians:

They invented french fries and waffles — two vital food groups — but the French stole both of them. Every other country in the world has had its national foods co-opted by the French, but for some reason, the Belgians never got over this. I'm fairly sure they fought wars over it. And if they didn't, they should have.

The entire country looks like a film set for some massive historical costume drama. Belgium boasts more castles than any other place on earth, and Belgians earn most of their money by charging tourists to walk up those tall towers — and then amuse themselves by making fun of the fat, exhausted bastards. Of course, they once had a king named Clovis, so I'm pretty sure those bastards have been making fun of Belgians for that (and other things) forever. One of the funniest movies I've seen in years was filmed in Belgium. The reason In Bruges was so funny? It was full of jokes about Belgium and Belgians. It also had angry midgets, and there's nothing funnier than a pissed-off midget.

Belgians make a lot of chocolate. Some people think it is the best chocolate in the world. Those people are idiots.

Belgians also make a lot of beer. A lot of beer. And some people think that the Trappist ales coming out of Belgium are the best beers in the world. Those people are not idiots. Unless they also believe the chocolate thing, in which case they are idiots but probably won't buy you beers if you call them such.

Belgians also invented oil paints, control a large portion of the world diamond trade and have a road system that can be seen from space. But, really? It's the stolen frites that truly have their pantalettes in a bunch.

The first time I actually ate at the Cheeky Monk, I ordered beer and sausages and soft pretzels, but no frites. I thought it was funny to snub the national dish of Belgium, but the kitchen got the last laugh, because what food I did get was really good. The sausage platter came with hunks of cheese (whose national origin I can no longer recall), bits of baguette and a grilled chicken-and-apple sausage that had the loose consistency and snappy skin of something artisan and handmade. The pretzels were buttery and topped with mustard seeds and garlic and coarse salt that made them much better than anything served at one of those pretzel places in the mall. They came with mustard or aioli, which was also invented by the Belgians — and then was promptly stolen by the French. I went with the mustard.

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Joey 12/08/2009 6:52:00 PM

Have to agree with mantotat, Carlsberg?? My last memory of that dreadful lager was from an open bar at a Norwegian wedding last summer. The best thing about Cheeky Monk is the variety of the beer list; choices that you can't find within walking distance of any bar or pub in downtown(though some are for sale up the street at Argonaut). The styles of beer and prices are certainly not as approachable as the tame offerings at Uptown Tavern or the like, but that's why it's important that a place like Cheeky Monk continue to survive. And with the new mixed retail space going in across the street, maybe its future is a little more secure (though I'd like to avoid the development debate). As someone who lives a block off Colfax, I welcome and applaud Cheeky Monk's continued survival.
Jodie 11/24/2009 2:24:00 AM

I was more than a little disappointed that the pretzels were "Super Pretzel" brand pretzels microwaved from the box then dressed up with the coarse salt, mustard seeds and garlic salt. (I only know this because we have a box in the freezer and Cheeky monks tasted identical) I was hoping for something a little more authentic. My only hope is that maybe I caught the kitchen on a day where they ran out an had to substitute with the boxed freezer kind. Other than that the beer was great and so was our bartender.
Ed H 11/08/2009 4:19:00 AM

Wow, I gotta tip my hat to Jason Sheehan this week. I think this was damn near the ultimate Sheehan review. Condescension: "...we joked about the place, inventing back stories for the people there � how this one had gotten lost on his way downtown for a board meeting and was afraid to leave, how that couple considered themselves brave urban pioneers living on the edge..." Some people just aren't made to try new restaurants downtown. Don't have the huevos if you will. Unlike Sheehan, who is bad-ass and will eat wherever he feels like. Bigotry: "I wondered how the Monk could possibly attract enough yuppies to keep the lights on, Chads and Buffys willing to brave the neighborhood and mangle the pronunciation of Koningshoeven Quadrupel and Duchesse de Bourgogne and eat sauerkraut" We can all hate yuppies right? God forbid the wrong type of people show up at *our* places. Shudder. Shudder. Shudder. Self Absorption: "I was there with another writer.." (Pahlaniuk? Bourdain perhaps?) "I retired to Tom's Diner across the street, where I re-read the best bits of Down and Out in Paris and London..." The only thing it lacked was Sheehan referring to himself as a 'Mick' and pointing out he's from Buffalo with hard-drinking-blue-collar � roots. Anyway, keep up the good work Jason, Denver needs you.
mantonat 11/07/2009 3:06:00 AM

I'm glad Jason enjoyed the Cheeky Monk, but it's a shame he missed out on the main theme of the place - Belgian beer. I know Sheehan is a not a drinks writer, but he is also a restaurant critic, which means that he should take the time and care to at least attempt some form of accuracy when it comes to such a central aspect of this particular restaurant. To have a Carlsberg at the Cheeky Monk is like reviewing Elway's without ever eating a steak there. To call lambic beer "just alcoholic fruit juice" is to show a level of willful ignorance that makes a knowledgeable reader question Sheehan's commitment to hard facts. If he can be that blatantly wrong about a subject that could be easily researched (by simply sampling a few beers), it calls into question his accuracy on any number of other different topics; pho, deshebrada, creme brulee, green chile, etc. I don't expect every food writer and restaurant critic to become an overnight beer geek, but when a writer claims to be passionate about flavors and the discovery of new and wonderful things in the Denver restaurant scene, it seems that the writer owes it to his readers to not limit himself to things like industrial European lagers, which the majority of us already are familiar with. I expect more from Sheehan. I wouldn't expect him to stick to Pad Thai at at a new Thai restaurant, I can't imagine him stopping at the ground beef tacos on a Mexican menu, and I certainly think he is missing out on a world of flavors - and depriving us of that experience - by not exploring beyond the basics in this case. Maybe the wider world of beer flavors is just not his thing, but Sheehan is too good a writer to not share even his bad experiences with us. Drink up, buddy, and tell us about it!
E. Brown 11/06/2009 8:09:00 AM

Not that this really matters but about 50 years ago Belgium created what we've come to know and love as The Smurfs. And in the Belgium Comic Strip Center (yep, that happened) there's a huge un-named Smurf to take cheesy pics with. But I found out, first hand, they frown on taking said pics with said Smurf while holding a big ol Belgium beer in one hand and a waffle covered in chocolate in the other. Long story longer: The Cheeky Monk was a good Smurfin' read.