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We misused it in Colorado a decade ago, he suggests. "Most of you will remember the tragic story from April 1999. Two boys walked into the school library and began shooting; when it was all over, thirteen victims and their two assailants were dead.... The idea, widely held in our culture, is that the aggressive nature of boys is inherently bad, and we have to make them into something more like girls," Eldredge says. "That's not the way a boy is wired, and it's not the way a boy learns. Rather than changing the way we do male education, we try to change males." The result? Columbine.

Eldredge goes on, and on, and on, describing how "our society produces plenty of boys, but very few men." He tells of getting the best gift ever from his wife: a full-sized claymore, a Scottish broadsword exactly like the one used by William Wallace, "because you are a Braveheart, fighting for the hearts of so many people." (Is it possible that Gary Faulkner carried a copy of Wild at Heart with him to Afghanistan, along with his own Bible and a forty-inch sword? That's a guy who definitely has a "battle to fight.") He tells stories of the Civil War, of rock climbing, of John Wayne.

But even with all the movies name-checked in Wild at Heart, Eldredge somehow misses the one that has the most relevant message here: Romancing the Stone. That's the 1984 block- (and bodice-) buster in which Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas go to Colombia to battle a drug cartel and discover that the very worst banditos are surprise fans of Joan Wilder, the romance novelist who is Turner's alter ego.

Because as it turns out, when he's not busy ordering hits and ordering his recruits to read Wild at Heart, González has taken to penning his own treacly, pseudo-spiritual wisdom on how, "if you want, you can become a good Christian," which he collected in a 104-page booklet called Thoughts and now hands out to his troops (no New York Times bestseller for El Más Loco).

"If you want to say, 'I love you!' to those who surround you and to your friends," González pronounces, "Say it today."

Because if you live in Michoacán, you may not be around tomorrow. Focus on La Familia.

For daily updates, read Patricia Calhoun's Wake-Up Call on the Latest Word at westword.com. Contact the author at patricia.calhoun@westword.com.

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