By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
Dear Mexican: I think I have a Mexican problem. In short, I have a home in sunny California on a property with an abundance of agave cactus and Century plants growing along the street. Every year for the past twenty years, five to ten cactus leaves (three to four feet in length) are cut from the base of the plants that are in front, closest to the street. This occurs several times a year prior to holidays — Christmas and others. The huge plants with slashed leaves are a visual blight. I have posted numerous respectful signs such as "No Hunting Cactus Leaves — Private Property," but to no avail. I believe this is a Mexican matter, as there are many Mexicans living and working in the surrounding area. On one occasion, I observed a Mexican casing the plants and told him of the problem and how the police had been notified and were monitoring the area. He was gone before I could say adiós, and the leaf-cutting stopped for about six months. Recently, the practice has been reinstated. Agave is used for tequila, and lately has become popular as a sweetener for baked goods. Also good for floral decor and barbecue. ¿Qué puedo hacer?
Dear Gabacho: Of course it's a Mexican problem — while gabachos like yourself use such plants as ornamentals while Mexicans have long revered the agave (which, a propósito, isn't a cacti) for its many uses. You named some, but others include making teas, creating ropes out of the fibers, and even making needles from the sharp points at the end of the leaves. And don't forget that each leaf, if properly cared for, will sprout into its own plant. Sorry to say, but you really can't do much to stop the thievery: Mexicans pick all crops and plants before them (even if on private property) as a matter of habit, given that that's been our American-requested mandate in this country from día one.
Dear Mexican: Americans liking tacos, salsa, Salma Hayek's chest, Mexican beaches and tans does not translate into Americans wanting undocumented Mexicans crossing our borders to work here, bringing in disease/drugs/crime and receiving welfare benefits. Are you high on peyote, man? Who in their right mind would want to live under Mexican law and culture? Mexico is a mess, and not because of the gabachos — please, señor! You and your jealous amigos are the hypocrites, because Mexico is a top-heavy wealthy country that has no human rights, no freedom of the press, no access to the courts, no due process, no welfare programs or shelters for the poor — suffering people I saw on the streets of Mexico City! Why aren't you and your amigos bashing Mexico and its government for the disgraceful treatment of its people? Why are you bashing the U.S. that offers Mexicans immigrants, legal or illegal, a better life through our better system, better education, welfare benefits, free education and free social services? Again: Just because we enjoy tequila and fajitas does not mean we want to be Mexican or live under corrupt Mexican culture, or get ripped off daily by having our tax money going to Mexicans' welfare benefits! Comprende? Capiche? Or do ya need a translator for this?
Wasting Away in Margaritaville
Dear Gabacho: No one has ever said that a gabacho love for Mexican products translates into a gabacho want for more Mexicans — actually, quite the opposite. From the first Ramona-themed picnics to today's luxe loncheras, gabachos have tried their darnedest to remove Mexicans from the equation of consuming Mexican culture, and have done an amazing job at it: Just look at chili, then move on to your bar's Drinko for Cinco celebration. It's a concept academics call appropriation, but the rest of us call hipocresía — ya need a translator for that?
GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK! Dr. William Nericcio, English professor at San Diego State University, is the Mexican's Mexican: a brilliant, scabrous, modern-day Socrates save for the pederasty. His expertise has appeared in this columna before, and I'm proud to report that Nericcio has finally redesigned his Tex(t)-Mex Galleryblog, where the profe takes his semiotics-obsessed scalpel to dissect news affecting Mexicans in this country with his academic-chúntaro desmadre. Read for yourself at textmex.blogspot.com.
All you guys are stupid talking shit ....on the street there are many white homeless asking for spare change and you guys are the reason I spit on them for that. Grab your Amigos and shoot them a job and pocket change. Before talking shit.
How to get rid of MANBOOBS!
Go to a website like http://www.chestfxstore.com where you can get a t shirt that hides your manboobs. I have four of them and they work great.\
I am just like you but I do not want to exercise. I actually hate to exercise.
Go to a website like http://www.chestfxstore.com where you can get a t shirt that hides your mamboobs. I have four of them and they work great.
'Then move on to your bar's Drinko for Cinco celebration'Got news for you Gustavo, you ridiculous elitist, the bar in my neighborhood does not celebrate Cinco de Mayo, they do, however, celebrate St. Patricks. I see quite a few Mexicans in there celebrating along with. What were you saying about hypocrisy? I like how you never bothered answering the basic question that you were asked, how come you don't criticize Mexico? But you always do that, skirt the issue and find some way to launch a verbal attack on whoever had the audacity to question your so-called authority on the subject of Mexico.
Ohhhhh, that explains everything, its okay for Mexicans to steal because they're going to do good things with their wrongly acquired property! Now I get it! See, I was just raised to not steal for any reason, but thats probably because I'm Caucasian.
They do it becuase they feel free to treat this country like their own personal all you can eat free buffet.