The apocalypse will kick off in Boulder, and here's why

Boulderites love to talk about the end of the world.

Whether they're scientists at the National Center for Atmospheric Research obsessing over the environment, hippies on the Pearl Street Mall preaching about genetically-engineered food, or University of Colorado students bemoaning all that world poverty and disease stuff, Boulder residents have an apocalypse complex.

But with good reason. After all, radio evangelist and doomsday prognosticator Harold Camping was born in Boulder ninety years ago. Camping's group, the California-based Family Radio network, is the organization behind the many billboards around Colorado (and elsewhere) that read: "Judgment Day May 21."

And that's May 21, 2011.

According to www.familyradio.com, Peter 3:8 "reminds us that one day is as 1,000 years. Therefore, with the correct understanding that the seven days referred to in Genesis 7:4 can be understood as 7,000 years, we learn that when God told Noah there were seven days to escape worldwide destruction, He was also telling the world there would be exactly 7,000 years (one day is as 1,000 years) to escape the wrath of God that would come when He destroys the world on Judgment Day.... Seven thousand years after 4990 B.C. (the year of the Flood) is the year 2011 A.D."

Camping's happy campers have worked out the exact day of doom using more calendar-related fun. But what they haven't said is where the apocalypse will begin.

The answer, of course, is Boulder. And here is our reasoning, which uses much of the same brilliant logic as the Family Radio network:

1) If the terrorists come, they'll start in Boulder — but not because of IBM or NCAR or even Rocky Flats (that plutonium went missing a long time ago). No, they'll be coming for pay-per-view porn producer New Frontier Media. Now that the Navy SEALs have Osama bin Laden's stash, they need to restock — and they'll bomb the place to cover their tracks.

2) Remember when someone hacked into a Colorado Department of Transportation electronic highway warning sign just outside of Boulder in March and changed the flashing message from "Shoulder Work" to "Zombies Ahead"? Remember when George Romero's 2008 zombie-pocalypse movie, Day of the Dead, had the military closing the roads from Leadville to Boulder to prevent the zombies from getting through? Do you think that's a coincidence? We don't.

3) In Stephen King's post-apocalyptic novel The Stand, Boulder plays host to an epic battle between the forces of good and the forces of absolute evil. Stephen King is a brilliant author. Why would he pick Boulder if it wasn't true?

4) Nearly naked fifty-something gardeners have been cited, twice, in Boulder for tilling the soil in full view of their neighbors. For that alone, the city deserves to be smitten.

5) Okay, so maybe the Apocalypse isn't coming in 2011. It's actually coming in 2012, the year predicted by the Mayan calendar. Just ask Rigoberta Menchú Tum, the Nobel Peace Prize winner whose trip to Boulder with Mayan prophets inspired Ivan Suvanjieff and Dawn Engle to create the documentary 2012: The True Mayan Prophecy. Okay, so maybe the point of the movie was to debunk the doomsayers; whatever. But Suvanjieff is so sure the world won't end Saturday that he's making another movie, Jesus vs. Bono, and betting on the U2 superstar, who'll be playing the Pepsi Center that night.

Those who aren't planning on awaiting the end of the world at the Pepsi Center might want to join the Boulder Atheists, who will be watching comedian Paula Poundstone, a self-professed atheist herself — perform at Chautauqua Auditorium. Or they can check in with the Denver Atheists and Freethinkers (DAFT), who will be having a Judgment Day Party, complete with a viewing of the documentary Waiting for Armageddon and a tin-foil hat contest.

 
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15 comments
Musician
Musician

The Bible clearly stated "No man knows the day or the hour of the son of man." So that means people like that are clearly false. Also, I don't want to know the day the world will end. Why would you? Go on with your life and live it the best way you can.

Rachelravenwolf
Rachelravenwolf

Harold Camping should be refunding every single dollar that some dumb people spent believing in him and his end of the world crap.....People actually spent their life savings because of his prediction!!! He should be ashamed not stunned!!!

fingerfood
fingerfood

Who care's....With all the hate.And Crap we have to live our live's through day in ....& day out....Anywhere in Colorado would be the best place to start!!!!The "pioneer"People-Should be the first to be dambed.These are the "Original,Coloradoians"....So they say!Even though the state's name;Is Spanish for color's?Anyway that's another story.....BURN 'EM DOWN !BOULDER IS A FANTASTIC PLACE TO START-

Idahosprings
Idahosprings

Yes and here really is the reason why,Crocks!

Hoolio
Hoolio

'Judgement Day' huh? Who are these people to JUDGE anyone? Fools.

Shocked
Shocked

The Bible says NO ONE KNOWS the day or the hour. Only God Knows

Jgharper
Jgharper

Dear Bouldertards:U2 will be playing at Invesco Field, not the Pepsi Center. That fact would have been quite easy to check, and still you failed....

Exploitationist
Exploitationist

you boulderites are the dumbest breed. learn how to use a crosswalk and bikers need to obey the law and walk their bikes across a crosswalk....

Shermikar59
Shermikar59

oh no....that Saturday....it may 21.....hmmm...

Rev. Daniel Blair
Rev. Daniel Blair

I am very sad for those who have been following this lie that the rapture will occur on May 21st. Even if they attempt to explain away “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven nor the Son, but only the Father” (Mark 13:32), they cannot explain away that most every Christian, theologian, scholar, and prophet from the first Century until the Nineteenth Century all believed that the church would go through the Great Tribulation and not escape through some secret rapture that would leave the world paralyzed. I pray that they will take a moment and read my book, “Final Warning” because the hour of is His judgment has come. http://www.revelation-truth.or...

Josephmont_newyear
Josephmont_newyear

Mile High is the best!!! smoke something we grow that might chill your crazy ass out!!!!!

Jkwankila
Jkwankila

thank you so much.you took the worlds right out of my mouth.

Lady Ratie
Lady Ratie

Don't be hatin'! Spread the love, brother!

Lady Ratie
Lady Ratie

If Boulderites are so dumb, I wonder why it's one of the richest communities in the country. I grew up in Jamestown and definitely agree about bikers needing to obey the law...trust me.

 
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