Regarding juggalos, we should all be down with the clown

I was once a juggalo. There, I said it.

Circa 1997, when I was just a tender lad of fifteen with frosted hair, 74-inch leg openings on my jeans and a perpetual boner, Insane Clown Posse was just catching on nationwide, but was already the shit within the community of acne-plagued burnouts I hung out with in Michigan, the home state ICP and I share. I personally owned copies of two ICP albums, Riddlebox and The Great Milenko, and had even mostly memorized the lyrics to "What is a Juggalo," the seminal track that explains how to be a juggalo with such helpful tips as "He'll eat Monopoly and shit out Connect Four" and "He'll walk up and bust a nut in your macaroni."

I did these things to the fullest extent of my ability. I was down with the clown.

By the time I was about seventeen, I had moved on from my juggalo phase and systematically murdered everyone who ever saw me in clown makeup, because I had realized the thing that everyone knows: Only losers like ICP. What is a juggalo? He'll wear red pants and a wallet chain out of the house, and spend valuable time fixing his hair into stupid tiny braids. He's underemployed and smokes dirt weed in his copious spare time. He may have dropped out of high school, but the high school never quite dropped out of him.

I was better than that, I realized. Then I grew a mustache, bought a Sonic Youth record and became an elitist.

Of course, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have never been shy about being a band for losers, and in fact have aggressively courted them. Their Gathering of the Juggalos, whose eleventh edition went down over the weekend, is pretty much dedicated to being exactly that: a safe haven where thirty-year-old gas station attendants and meth enthusiasts everywhere can go to be among each other without the mocking jibes of elitists like me. Consider the lineup, which, aside from about ten bands with clown makeup, included the likes of Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Bobby Brown, Flavor Flav, Ice Cube. It's like the D-list had diarrhea.

But these washed-up '90s icons are also all acts that I love, albeit in the ironic way of an elitist — which means, in a weird way, that the love of juggalos for these people is more pure. Shaggy 2 Dope observes: "Now that the world has turned their back on them and they're at a point for ridicule for critics and magazines and TV, juggalos are like, 'Okay, these motherfuckers are getting it, but they have somewhere to belong here with us in the not-so-in crowd.'" Huh.

Today, reflecting upon the Gathering of the Juggalos in my ivory tower of obscure Zappa B-sides, I came to a new realization: I kind of respect that. It may be stupid, but maybe I'm stupid, too, because a carnival is a carnival, and I have forgotten how to dream.

 
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11 comments
David J. Korczyk
David J. Korczyk

Juggalos as a people should be shot on sight. I know a lot of these people. Former neighbors, friends and coworkers. I went to the same shitty high school as these so-called clowns, and it's just the same regurgitated shit over and over and over again. This isn't elitism. I went through my rebellious phase in my high school years, a decade ago. But the appeal of ICP has never lured me into be a moronic sheep following this crowd of dumbfucks. I actually enjoyed a handful of their songs, mainly because of the foul language and blatant sarcasm. But one outgrows the petty rhymes about murdering people and pussy, and they grow up to be normal civilized people. Or they stay in the Metro-Detroit area, hanging out in alleys, doing meth at every chance, and getting in paintball shootouts with other shitty musicians like Eminem.People like Cowgirl are mentally stunted rejects who don't understand evolution. "The family." Give me a fucking break. You know what I'm down with? OPP.

The Insane Clown Posse suck. If you're offended by that, you're what's wrong with America.Instead of getting upset about someones difference of opinion, you fail to focus on the bigger issue: why do you listen to shitty music?

Cowgirl
Cowgirl

Not all juggalos are losers, pot heads, or anything of the like. There are millions of juggalos, and each and everyone is different. The way I see it, you weren't a juggalo. You went through a phase where you liked the music and enjoyed hanging with some family. But if you were really a juggalo, then you would be down for life. That's what a juggalo is, family for life. You feel it in your heart, the love from family all over the world.

Weege
Weege

The Great Milenko was an AWESOME piece of vinyl.. Im 44 and still have my ICP CD's in my car.

Alyssa
Alyssa

be the 12th sorry...

Alyssa
Alyssa

11th Anual Gathering next year will b eteh 12th..

Sam Anderson
Sam Anderson

Respect, dude. Growing up in NYC, when ICP broke nationwide, I thought it was a dumb fad and had the elitist response to it without really experiencing the music or the scene...around 2005 when I was 19 I suddenly realized they hadn't gone anywhere and weren't going to, and so at the same time that I was discovering Zappa and King Crimson (still probably my two favorite artists ever), I also started getting into ICP...6 years and many ICP and Twiztid shows later, I feel like a lot of the rest of the people who dismissed Juggalos in the late 90s are realizing a re-evaluation of both Juggalos and themselves are in order

nthisrain
nthisrain

Damn, life must be shitting on you real hard David J. Korczyk...don't be so bitter about it. :) BTW, you come across as being the sheep trapped in the herd. Have you hit your wasting-your-life-in-front-of-the-television and mid-life crisis phase yet? You enjoy being that "civilized person" and wallow in your bitterness lol.

David J. Korczyk
David J. Korczyk

Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I just know the facts, and the Insane Clown Posse, and all their little spin-off artists capitalizing on high school washouts and social parasites such as yourself.... Well, they're scum. Simply put, easily identified.To be in the same clique as you were in your high school days, still hanging around the same dumb ass people getting their homemade hatchet-man tattoos in their friends' kitchens... No wonder the unemployment rate is so high in Michigan, when this is your working force.

And to further prove my taste in music, I share with you the name of a band you'll never enjoy: Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire.

I pray your broken family heals your broken neck. Eat shit and live.

Will Juggla Benson
Will Juggla Benson

Jeez bro, looks like you had a bad experience with some fam. Probably got your ass beat for being such a little whiny bitch. We'll like any kind of music we want, if you can't accept theirs a counter-culture out there where people care about each other and don't give a fuck what hipster faggots like you think, heres an idea, don't fucking google them and bitch about them on your little keyboard. Ignore them. Their not on tv, the radio, or anywhere mainstream. You have to LOOK for them.

People like you fucking disgust me, the sad thing is I used to be a whiny prick with an ever-bleeding asshole. But I grew up, learned people were different, and even started to love ICP and the bands on Psychopathic. Have fun living a bitter fucking life full of haterid for shit you don't understand, or care to understand. We'll keep drinking our faygo, wearing our paint, and giving you something to bitch about on the internet. Loser.

 
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