By Noah Hubbell
By Kiernan Maletsky
By Tom Murphy
By Noah Hubbell
By Alex Distefano
By Darryl Smyers
By Jon Solomon
By Britt Chester
Last week, Adele ate an apple. She also watched Gladiator. If you did Adele's bidding, these facts were your reward.
Confused? Let's back up a little: Adele has had an official Twitter account for a little over a year, but she's never really used it; up until now, the tweets have primarily come from her PR people. Last Sunday, that changed. "Right! Its me!" she tweeted, her adorable Englishisms and dubious grammar apparently enough for verification. "I will start tweeting if 10k of u start following @drop4drop_&their trip to India this wk. Its a wonderful charity. Go! A xxx."
By the next day, she'd evidently gotten her wish: "that was quick!ThankU! I'm in bed,watchin Gladiator,eatin an apple," she proclaimed.
Riveting. But if the revelations of Adele's Twitter presence haven't exactly been shocking, even less surprising is the gambit that got her there.
Adele loves the charity, and while that in itself is admirable, she's also pretty pushy about imposing her love for charity on everyone else. It's right there, for example, in her tour rider, published last week by The Smoking Gun, which continues to prove itself one of the most hilarious/depressing sites ever.
For every concert a touring artist puts on, there are a large number of people and entities involved in setting it up — the venue people, the promoter, the booking agent, etc. — and, as a bonus for their labor, those people traditionally get a few free tickets to the show they helped put on. Not at Adele's show. If you want to get the free tickets for Adele's show, her rider stipulates, you have to pay: "All guests at all Adele shows will be asked for a minimum donation to charity of $20 per person, in cash, when they collect their tickets. There will be no exception to this rule," it reads. So, really, they won't be "asked" for $20, they will be "charged" $20. And the tickets won't really be free tickets, they'll be $20 tickets.
But ask not why the woman who's had a single in the Billboard Top 10 for 47 weeks can't front $20 to charity herself so the people who work for her can see a free show, because Adele is accustomed to getting what she wants. And what she wants is shitty European beer. Perhaps more important, though, she has a list of things she doesn't want. Those items, capitalized for emphasis in the rider, are as follows: "NO CITRUS FRUIT!" "NO CHARDONNAY!" "NORTH AMERICAN BEER IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!" Welp, guess that rules out Michelob Ultra.
But never fear, Michelob, because if not you, then "Someone Like You." Hey, now! Seriously, though, that song is incredibly boring. Also, Adele's beer choice is incredibly boring. On the list of acceptable beers: Beck's, Peroni and Stella Artois. Yeah, okay, Adele, those are way different than Budweiser or Miller, both of which are called out specifically in the rider as unacceptable. Actually, they are kind of different, at least in that a Stella will typically cost you twice as much as a Miller.
But will it be better? No better than a free show you paid $20 for, I'm guessing.