As I looked around to see if there was a spare meatball, my eye caught the gleam of a glass jar. No! Not the shaky cheese!!!
The jar was full of processed, mostly-not-actual-cheese granules. Why wouldn't a kitchen buy real Parmesan and grate it? The cost differential is not significant, and actual Parm has complex, fruit-forward flavors that greatly enhance pasta dishes. Which these gum-and-filler sprinkles were not going to do. I threw a cloth napkin over the jar so I wouldn't have to look at it.
jenn wohletz
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Patsy's Italian Restaurant
Chicken Parmesan $10. 50
Half & Half $9.25
Meatball $2
Wine sundae $5
3651 Navajo Street
303-477-8910
Hours: 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Friday, 5-9:30 p.m. Saturday, 4-8 p.m. Sunday
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I should have saved that napkin for the chicken Parmesan, which was a massive let-down. A searing-hot ceramic boat held a thick blanket of half-melted mozzarella cheese over two soggy, gummy-breaded, seasoning-free chicken breasts that tasted like nothing but old, musky fryer oil. All that was swimming in red sauce, but no amount of even Patsy's good sauce — medium-thick, and well balanced between sweet and tangy — could make these birds fly. Fortunately, Patsy's homemade spaghetti was good enough to make me almost forget the earlier disappointments. The fat, squiggly, chewy noodles were the size of drinking straws, swimming in that sauce; they were fun to spear with my fork.
The menu included a "wine sundae," and although mixing wine with ice cream seemed like something that should be attempted with extreme caution — kinda like mixing gasoline with lasers, or Kanye West with other people — I couldn't resist ordering it. My server brought out a beautiful — and tall — footed glass layered with scoops of hard-serve vanilla ice cream, whipped topping and a fruity, sugary red-wine reduction syrup. This tantalizing, warm syrup tasted grapey, but it wasn't a phony, candied grapey-ness; rather, it was like simmered grapeskins and real sugar. I ate every bite and wished Patsy's offered the wine sundae in a Big Gulp-sized serving.
On my way out of the restaurant, I stopped to pet Patsy-Cat. There was only one other person fawning over her — a scruffy man who was either indigent or just dressed like someone who was — and we had a good convo about Garfield. I told him the annoying little striped cat, Nermal, was a boy.
"Huh," he exclaimed. "I didn't ever know that."
"I know, right?" I replied. "It's his big eyelashes that throw you off."
It's these small, seemingly insignificant interactions and exchanges that really flavor a meal at Patsy's. While the Italian food isn't the best in town, the rich, colorful history is unbeatable. As it turns out, Patsy's is neither a relic nor a retro-hip restaurant, but more like a cozy neighbor's kitchen, complete with its own resident feline. I hope it will be around 91 years from now, with a robotic cat outside and people cruising over by jet-pack, stopping in for a taste of yesterday.