How do I grow my own marijuana?

Dear Stoner: My retired parents want to try marijuana now that Amendment 64 has passed. I don't know what I should do about that since they used to bust me for smoking back in the day.

Kind Kid

Dear KK: Don't bogart that stuff, man. If your parents want to try it, then help them out: Give them a ganja lesson on how strains not only look, smell and taste different from one another, but also have different effects. Pick an uplifting sativa hybrid like Island Sweet Skunk that won't put them down for the count on the couch, and keep dosing low. Even if your folks are former tokers, odds are they weren't smoking buds this strong.

Impress them with your joint-rolling skills. Or, if they're opposed to smoking, bake some classic pot brownies. This is your chance to show off what you really learned in college.

But all this doesn't mean you can't get your mom and dad back for the hell they used to give you. Try this prank that a friend's older sister played on us in high school: Once your folks are nice and baked with some Allman Brothers on the stereo and munchies in full effect, spread ghost pepper sauce on the underside of some wheat thins and lay them out on a plate with a bowl of hummus in the middle. It'll take about four or five crackers before the searing firemouth sets in. While they run to put their tongues under the kitchen faucet, remind them of that quarter bag of Skunk they made you flush the day of your senior prom.

Dear Stoner: I want to start growing my own marijuana, but I have no idea where to even start.

Not-So-Green Thumb

Dear NSGT: Where are you going to set up? Do you want to run a hydroponic setup or a soil grow? What strains should you cultivate? How do you keep your plants alive? How do you dry and cure your harvest? How much light are you going to need?

Didn't think there were that many questions to growing weed, did you?

Thankfully, people have considered these questions and written dozens of books on the subject. Among the best: former High Times cultivation expert Ed Rosenthal's Marijuana Grower's Handbook and grow guru Jorge Cervantes's Marijuana Horticulture, which is considered to be the cannabis grower's bible for beginner and advanced growers alike. Get both, and those thumbs will eventually get green (and sticky).

 
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27 comments
ANDROLOMA
ANDROLOMA

Growing your own is one of the most rewarding hobbies imaginable. I've never purchased any product finer than what I produce myself.

malcolmkyle16
malcolmkyle16 topcommenter

During alcohol prohibition in the 1920s, all profits went to enrich thugs and criminals, young men died every day on inner-city streets while battling over turf, a fortune was wasted on enforcement, and billions in taxes were lost, finally, the economy collapsed —does that sound somewhat familiar?

The only people that believe prohibition is working are farm animals, the ones making a corrupt living by enforcing laws in it's name, and those amassing huge fortunes on the black market profits. Literally not one prohibitionist argument survives scrutiny. Not a single one! —and certainly not those promoted by drunken donkeys!

Richard Scott Taylor
Richard Scott Taylor

How bout picking up a book? There's plenty out there. Don't look for a class at CFU quite yet, however...

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

Stupid Stoners are as Stupid Stoners do.

Just ask a Stupid Stoner.

Faycless
Faycless

Peppered Wheat Thins? Im sorry,but thats a terrible idea.

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

It's December 26th, according to my p.c., yet this column wasn't released til the 27th !

THIS BUD KICKS ASS !!!  It slowed the entire fuck in 1/2 ! I'm gathering sport finals then race to www.fanduel.com and place my bets ! If only I had a Delorean ......

Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

The Cervantes book is outstanding. It's got a separate chapter on everything, so you can decide how in-depth you want to go on any topic.

Don't waste your money on expensive seeds at first. Get some loose seeds and see what you can do with those first, and once you've done that, you can start spending some money. I'd start under a T5 fluorescent setup and expand out from there. Hydrofarm actually makes a starter kit called JumpStart (be sure to get the T5 one) that you can "play" with to learn what you're doing with, fairly cheaply, initially.

ron076280
ron076280

I don't wanna grow any , I just wanna buy some. Er , gift me some .

ANDROLOMA
ANDROLOMA

@DonkeyHotay Smart stoners don't ask stupid stoners anything. As a matter of fact, the word "stoner" is a misnomer, as well as juvenile. Just how childish do you desire to be?

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

@Cognitive_Dissident Just jumped off Amazon, after ordering the Cervantes book & truly appreciate the heads up, CD . I can't wait to pose w/ my 'own' plants in pix I send to friends out of state . I TRIPLE the rent when asked byEVERYONE inquiring online info regarding possibly moving here and PLEAD w/ ALL to follow suit !!!!!

Faycless
Faycless

@ron076280 Growing it yourself is so rewarding. Try it..Its really not that hard...

Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

@Juan_Leg @Juan_Leg Hope you get as much out of it as I do. I've got close to a dozen books, and I keep going back to that one the most. You'll notice on the Amazon page a few other books "customers who bought this item also bought," and I've bought most of them (had plenty of time when I was between jobs.)

Green's The "Cannabis Grow Bible" is pretty good, but I don't spend much time in it unless I want a different perspective.

The J.C. Stitch book, "Marijuana Garden Saver," is the one I thumb through when something's wrong with the plants and I'm not sure what it is or maybe what to do (bugs, other nasties, environment, etc.)

Cervantes also has a little picture book you might see in that group called "Marijuana Grow Basics." It's a sort of "starter" type book, but it has some good pics. Rosenthal's "Easy Marijuana Gardening" has a lot of "step-by-step" starter stuff, too. Maybe Rosenthal's step-by-step book is a better companion for the big Cervantes book. Jeff Ditchfield also has a similar one called "Cannabis Cultivator." All three are pretty good.

When I was just getting started, I'd spend about a half a day reading about a topic in each of the books, which can be an issue because sometimes they'll give you a bit different information (like temps and pH levels.)

I also obtained some videos. The Cervantes videos were the only decent ones I remember. Don't know how much they cost, but they were worth watching. I probably wouldn't spend more than $30 or $40 for all three (IIRC), but video gives you a much better "feel" of what's going on.

Once you feel like you know how to grow a plant, you can look into some more exotic grows. There's a pretty cool book by Jeff Mowta called "Marijuana New School." It has a plethora of different hydro setups you might find interesting once you get the hang of growing something without killing it. It's got a lot of DIY tips so you don't end up buying some $500 set of buckets and pumps worth about $100, etc.

Back to basics, though. If I had it all to do over again, I'd probably stick to the Cervantes big book, one of the picture books (maybe you can get a feel for them using Amazon's "inside" feature), probably Ditchfield or Rosenthal, and the "Garden Saver." Guess you'll have to decide for yourself on the videos, but I can't say whether they're worth buying. Between the three books, I'd say that's about $50 and good reading. 

Of course, depending on how trusting or paranoid you are, you could search the internet for advice, of which there's plenty, and plenty of conflicting information as well. There are some good forums. GrassCity.com is one. Rollitup.com is another. They come up a lot in Google searches. The benefit of the forums, obviously, is you can get opinions, ask questions, etc.

ron076280
ron076280

sorry don quixote, been to busy working 11 hours a day to humor you. Donkey=ass

malcolmkyle16
malcolmkyle16 topcommenter

 My dear little Donkey, maybe you shouldn't post when you're drunk.

ron076280
ron076280

would truly love to grow my own someday , just to busy at this juncture in life

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

@Cognitive_Dissident  

I have a pro coming in to set everything up and continued instruction . I've seen his numerous 'CROPS' & trust I will succeed w/ his assistance .

Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

@Juan_Leg Make sure you get twice as many electrical outlets as usual and at least two dedicated circuits, and keep the outlets well off the ground (think about water.) You'll want to build a control panel on one wall of each room, where you will put a timer, ballasts, etc. Consider a separate green light with an on/off switch that you can turn on at "night" if you need access in the "dark." 

You might consider TWO grow areas, side-by-side...one for veg, and one for flower. The flower room has to be COMPLETELY dark when the light's not on. Depending on your grow, you probably want the veg area to be about 50%% larger than your flower--even larger if you want to put closets and/or cloning space in it. It will help if you have a laundry-style sink in the vicinity, with a drain. I put one in right above the drain next to my water heater. I took the hot and cold water feeds from the faucet for the washing machine. 

I pump filtered exhaust from my flowering room (this is the one that gets hot) into my central heating return duct. I pump fresh air from my dining room into my veg room, through what appears to be a heating duct in the dining room. The flowering room gets fresh air from the veg room. I never get too humid, this being Colorado, but I do run a humidifier in each grow room, because it gets really dry.

If you start with two rooms, you will probably want T5 in the veg and HPS in the flower. I use active cooling on the light, and you will probably want to consider it too. Even then, I don't grow during the summer, which would require AC.

If you skimp on head-space, you may be sorry. A light mover and active cooling are nice, but they take a lot of space overhead. You'll want a good four or five feet of space for plants, as necessary.

You might also want a refrigerator (so you can keep your product in the same area to avoid confusion with LEOs.) I get by with a little one now, but sorta wish I'd kept a big one. ALL my "stuff" is in the same part of the house as my grow area, along with a big A20 sign, indicating that I'm a patient, but remember, A64 allows you to keep ALL your product.

You'll want to think about these things before you have a carpenter too too much.

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

@Cognitive_Dissident Last week was my 44th b-day & a good friend came by last night w/ a gift . It turned out to be a cpl books INCLUDING the Cervantes, one ! The other is titled, 'Cannabis Cultivation' By Mel Thomas . It came recommended . I went ahead & ordered the Rosenthal book this morning to cover the 'set' . 

I'm having a carpenter over to build my little grow area on Thursday and hope to have clones in no later than this up-coming weekend ! 

I now must buy EVERYTHING else needed ....... 

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

@Cognitive_Dissident Thank you for ALL the info . I have had roommates that have grown very successfully, so I'm not completely in the dark . I want to do it on my own w/o splitting SHIT !!!!!

 
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