Ask a Stoner: How much pot can my dog handle?

Dear Stoner: Why does every one of my puff sessions end with a trip to the convenience store for snacks?

Fat Doobie

Dear Doob: You want to know about the famed "munchies"? Well, allow me to get all Bill Nye on you right quick. Your body naturally produces chemicals called endocannabinoids, which react with chemical receptors to regulate everything from your pain levels to stomach motility and hunger. Endocannabinoids are named for their naturally occurring cousins, cannabinoids, found in the cannabis plant (hence the similar names). The two most famous are CBD and THC; the latter is responsible for all sorts of things, like curbing nausea, helping asthma, making Pink Floyd sound way better and creating hunger pangs. So when you smoke marijuana, the THC that enters your bloodstream reacts with your natural cannabinoid receptors, and next thing you know, you've racked up a huge bill at Sushi Den and you're still hungry for ice cream.

For a lot of people, it's just a harmless side effect of cannabis consumption and the butt of a lot of jokes (guilty as charged). But the relief of having enough appetite to eat can truly be medical as well. That's part of the reason that California medical marijuana laws were crafted in the 1990s: to help cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy and AIDS patients wasting away as they went into the final stages of the disease.

Dear Stoner: My dog loves to get high. How much pot is too much for Spot?

Wookie McTastic

Dear Wookie: As much as you may have convinced yourself that your dog likes to get stoned, it doesn't. What you're saying is you love to get your dog stoned, and you need to stop.

See, your dog (or cat, for you lonely types) has the average intelligence of a two- to three-year-old child. Picture yourself as said three-year-old child, with your limited understanding of the world. Now picture your parents coming and blowing smoke in your face and making you really confused and dizzy for a few hours. Get it?

What your dog really wants is your attention, and your ritual of getting your pet stoned is nothing more than that. Your dog would probably enjoy a walk around the park or a hike in the mountains a whole lot more than you blowing smoke rings up its ear or in its nose.

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Rob GraayWolf Denman
Rob GraayWolf Denman

I'm a cannabis consumer and would never get my dog stoned... Imagine an animal that constantly has the munchies already, given a substance that makes it hungrier... not a healthy thing.... That's just cruel! Not all cannabis consumers are that stupid!

DonkeyHotay topcommenter

More Puerile Pot Punkery from the Clown Prince of Puerile Pot Punks

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

LOL'd at "making Pink Floyd sound better." I'm amazed at how true that is, and how it doesn't seem to be true of so much other music. Phish is probably another.

BackOffImStarving topcommenter

Pets sometimes have to be taken to the emergency vet after ingesting edibles and infused products, so it's definitely not good for them.  Let's hope "Wookie" stops getting his dog high and avoids any criminal charges.


@BackOffImStarving Exactly: I know the column is "ask a stoner" and not "ask a vet," but I wish William Breathes had bothered to consult a vet and then expound upon the fact that not only do pets not enjoy marijuana, but they can actually get really sick from it.

I stopped following George Takei's sacred Facebook page because he didn't bother to footnote this on a "funny" high-dog picture.

Edit: I say this as a potsmoker, not someone who's trying to craft a slippery slope argument about marijuana/mammal toxicity so everyone just settle down nah.