Top

news

Stories

 

Ten Colorado counties would like to ditch the rest of the state

If at first you don't secede, try, try again.

Tired of being ignored, even insulted, by the Colorado Legislature, ten northeastern counties are considering ditching this state altogether and starting their own. They don't like anti-gun, pro-gay, pro-grass, pro-green urban Colorado telling them what to do. They don't like being forced to put aside their guns in order to fire up the wind turbines to increase the percentage of renewable energy produced by their rural cooperatives, when maybe the city slickers are the ones who should start cooperating — the city slickers who called their secession idea "crackpot" when it first came up months ago, but aren't cracking up now.

See also: Colorado's tourism boosters go back to the drawing board...again

And if they'd caught one of the icons proposed as a new symbol for Colorado slated to be unveiled at the end of the month (the three finalists are now gone from the makingcolorado.com website, but you can still see them in our July 25 Off Limits item), they really, really wouldn't like it: The icon is just a big, black rectangle in the shape of the state with the word "Colorado" in the center — and a smaller rectangle just above to the right, about where that dominant, dreaded 3G urban stronghold of Denver is located. The symbol's designer has an explanation for this location: "The rectangular shape is placed to the right and slightly upward in relation to the word, a nod to the exponential progress Colorado has experienced."

But if this is progress, rural Colorado would like to see it all sucked up in that black hole — which might as well call itself "Coolerado."

Still, the rebels have a long way to go before they can shed the other 54 counties of Colorado. The secession proposal would have to go before county voters on the November ballot, and there's just a month left to make that happen. So far, only Cheyenne County (population 1,876 — which is about the number of people waiting in line at a downtown Denver Starbucks on an average morning) has actually managed to get a ballot proposal through. Some counties are still holding hearings; others are contemplating a middle-ground proposal, the Phillips County plan, which would call for electing state representatives by county rather than population.

And even if the secession plan goes through, the hard work will just be starting. Not the hard work of figuring out how to fund highway construction and education, but the Herculean task of coming up with appropriate songs, symbols and slogans — not to mention finding an actual name for this 51st state. In the spirit of cooperation, we're offering a few ideas for the secessionists:

Potential state flowers: Replace the columbine with tumbleweed, ditchweed or Russian sage.

Potential state song: Ditch "Rocky Mountain High" for "Thank God I'm a Country Boy." Dump "Where the Columbines Grow" for "Home on the Range." Or just go with "White Christmas."

Potential state birds: Instead of the lark bunting, go with the dodo.

Potential slogans: "Uncolorful Colorado," "Frack You, Colorado!" "Things Go Better With Koch," "How Dry I Am," "Living Off the Flat of the Land," "You Won't Miss Us."

Potential state names: Coloraduh, Kookarado, Gunarado and Courtarado (for where this movement may well wind up). Also Near Nebraska or Southern Wyoming. And finally, in a nod to one of rural Colorado's biggest industries: Methopotamia.

 
My Voice Nation Help
5 comments
DonkeyHater
DonkeyHater

Let the hateful Republicans go, then Colorado will win every election as Democrats and the new state will not have a population so they won't matter in the general election.

hatingdenver
hatingdenver

Hey Patricia, why don't you stop acting like the typical one sided libtard and listen to others opinions.  There are a lot of Coloradoans who do support the second amendment (and the first and the fourth and all the other amendments our "leader" has quashed) and who don't want to see flamers and stoners take over the state while the democrats strive to make denver the next detroit.  We're the people who have pride in our work, our countries founding ethics, and the people who are willing to stand up for everything. 

slove19_2000
slove19_2000

How about you take a few day's to actually come out here and find out what the actual issues are... This is nothing but a sarcastic opinion piece being touted as factual information. How about you get out of your office chair hundreds of miles from the place you are writing from and give this piece some actual journalistic effort. 

CloudGang
CloudGang topcommenter

Urban Colorado don't like pro-gun, anti-gay, anti-grass, anti-green rural Colorado telling them what to do.

fognl7
fognl7

@hatingdenver  

It's hard to take seriously someone who goes by the alias "hatingdenver," uses pejorative labels like 'libtard' and 'flamers,' and suggests Denverites don't take pride in their work.

Before you shout me down, know that I think your argument of standing up for equal representation is important and worthwhile.  I just think there are more constructive ways of accomplishing your goals than threatening to take your toys and go home.

 
Loading...