By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
There are good years and there are bad years — the ones you wish you could have back for a do-over, could simply recall. And 2013 certainly had its share of events that we wish had never happened, from the entire Colorado Rockies season to the weather: the drought that led to the summer's horrific wildfires, the downpours that resulted in devastating floods, the subzero temperatures that froze us in our boots in early December. And while same-sex marriage and marijuana dominated much of the news cycle, the biggest stories of the year involved guns, including tragic shootings — like the one at Arapahoe High School and the murder of prison chief Tom Clements — and laws passed after emotional, rancorous debate in the legislature that inspired eleven counties to vote on whether they should secede from Colorado. But that was just the start of the total recall: Pro-gun forces moved in and, yes, recalled two lawmakers, state senators John Morse and Angela Giron, who'd voted in favor of the laws, and inspired a third, Evie Hudak, to resign before she could be recalled as well. What else happened in 2013? Well, here's our list of some of the strange but decidedly true events from a year we'd like to recall.
THE REAL WORLD
The Denver TV market has always been competitive — but who'da thunk the competition would extend to snowy-patio photos? In late November, 9News anchor Kyle Clark starred in a hilarious rant in which he discouraged viewers from sending in photos of their snowy patios after a storm. "Good afternoon, Colorado. Listen. You know I love you. But it is time that we had a talk about your snow-covered patio furniture. Why is it that every time it snows, we whip out photos of our patio sets like we're showing off baby photos of our kids?" The video went viral but elicited a bit of backlash as viewers overloaded Clark with photos. In December, 7News took advantage of the situation in equally amusing fashion, soliciting patio pics with the hashtag #PatioFurniturePride.
Most bureaucrats are a bore to talk to on the phone. Not Resa Cooper-Morning. In December, CBS4 News reported that 54-year-old Cooper-Morning, the cultural-diversity coordinator at the University of Colorado Denver, had been operating a phone-sex line during the same hours that she was at work. She also ran a website where people could pay to watch her strip in "dozens of low-budget, soft-core videos," with names like "Ride Her Pony!" and "Vanilla Cocoa Butter Oil." An employee at the school for more than two decades, Cooper-Morning created her website in 2003, according to the report. But the website wasn't as big a problem as the possibility that Cooper-Morning was taking phone-sex calls while she was being paid by the state to work at the school. UCD put her on paid leave and is investigating.
Can a six-year-old kid sexually harass someone? That was the question raised in December when the Lincoln School of Science and Technology in Cañon City suspended first-grader Hunter Yelton after he kissed a girl on the hand, calling the offense "sexual harassment." The story went national and focused an enormous amount of unwanted attention on the school, which eventually decided to change the offense to "misconduct" and allowed Hunter back. The boy's mom, Jennifer Saunders, told media outlets that her son had been suspended before, for kissing the same girl on the cheek, but that the charge of sexual harassment was outlandish.
In January, police popped an 85-year-old man whom they accused of beating a 66-year-old volunteer parking-enforcement official — with his cane. The incident took place at a Home Depot in Stapleton after the sexagenarian allegedly confiscated the octogenarian's handicapped-parking permit, saying it had expired. The man had to use a walker in court because his cane had been confiscated. He also spent two nights in jail before community outcry convinced police to release him.
Joyce Bradmon, 76, secured a place as a legendary neighborhood crank when she was convicted of felony menacing for brandishing an unloaded but realistic-looking pellet gun after kids dared to use sidewalk chalk in her vicinity. The weapon was so convincing, in fact, that the father of one of the kids took cover behind a truck and called 911. "It's a pellet gun; it wasn't loaded," she told 9News, adding that her Greeley neighbors were "trash."
A man attending a Halloween-night zombie-rock-themed concert at ViewHouse Bar & Restaurant in LoDo was hospitalized (with non-life-threatening injuries) after he climbed over the railing on the top deck, according to a ViewHouse honcho, and then tried to jump onto an adjoining roof. He missed, and fell onto some wooden scaffolding about fourteen feet below. The kicker: He had come dressed as a mountaineer.
Although they were born long after the original Footloose hit theaters in 1984, some students at Thompson Valley High School in Loveland must have seen the 2011 remake, because they invoked the pro-gyrating flick in January after walking out on a school dance where their bumping and grinding was determined to be inappropriate. The students instead started dancing in the school parking lot, but were soon kicked out by police and not allowed back into the school for the rest of the night.
" Greg Brophy, the same guy who actually wasted effort and energy twice trying to get a law passed that would have put Colorado on daylight-savings time year-round"
I'll vote for him if he runs on this platform.
Who doesn't want Colorado to go on daylight-savings year round? Farmers and idiots, that's who.