By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
Gary Flakes, who spent a dozen years in prison after being convicted of being an accessory to the shotgun murders of two teenage boys in 1997, ran for city council in Colorado Springs. Flakes said he had changed his life and was running because he has since become a leader. His announcement ignited a huge controversy in the city, but in the end, Flakes received just 238 votes.
"Hey, bartender, another glass of your finest Wimpy Ale, please!"
— A July tweet by Arapahoe County District Attorney (and almost gubernatorial candidate) George Brauchler, accusing Governor John Hickenlooper of being indecisive when making decisions, specifically regarding the death-penalty sentence of Chuck E. Cheese murderer Nathan Dunlap.
"I'd very much like to anally probe @govwalker each time he needs to make an 'informed decision.'"
— A tweet by comedian Sarah Silverman that state representative Joe Salazar retweeted in July, resulting in the Colorado Republican Committee's issuing a statement claiming that Salazar was calling for the rape of Wisconsin governor Scott Walker. Silverman's tweet was in reference to Walker's signing a bill that requires women considering abortions to get an ultrasound first; we don't know what Salazar wanted to probe.
And that wasn't the only time Joe Salazar got into trouble for firing from the lip. In February, while debating a bill that would have forbidden people with concealed-carry permits to bring their weapons with them into college buildings, the Thornton Democrat implied that women aren't able to handle themselves with a piece of steel and might shoot the wrong person while they were panicking. "Because you just don't know who you're gonna be shooting at. And you don't know if you feel like you're gonna be raped, or if you feel like someone's been following you around or if you feel like you're in trouble when you may actually not be, that you pop out that gun and you pop...pop a round at somebody," Salazar said on the Colorado House floor. "It's why we have call boxes, it's why we have safe zones, that's why we have the whistles." The comments went viral, and Salazar was later forced to issue an apology.
"When you look at life expectancy, there are problems in the black race: sickle-cell anemia is something that comes up, diabetes is something that's prevalent in the genetic makeup, and you just can't help it. Although I've got to say, I've never had better barbecue and better chicken and ate better in my life than when you go down south and you...I love it."
— Republican state senator Vicki Marble, speaking about poverty and race in August; the remarks created a major hubbub in both parties, with Democrats denouncing them as racist at worst and insensitively stereotypical at best.
In September, Republican state representative Lori Saine couldn't leave well enough alone and decided to bring a box of Popeye's fried chicken to a discussion about the poverty rate among African-Americans at another meeting of the same committee where Vicki Marble had made her black-race comment. Saine first called it a silent protest, implying that she supported Marble. But later, after taking heat over the protest, she tried to blow it off, telling one news station, "I'm having chicken for dinner. Would you like a presser at my house?"
Chicken wasn't the only thing that fried state senator Vicki Marble's year. In May, she tried to have state representative Cheri Gerou, a fellow Republican, arrested, telling police that Gerou yelled at her and grabbed her arm so hard that she had to see a doctor about the pain, according to a report by the Denver Post's Lynn Bartels. Witnesses differed on their accounts of the confrontation, with some saying it was actually very minor; Gerou also denied Marble's version of the story.
You might be tired of the Macklemore song "Thrift Shop," which was ubiquitous in 2013, but not as weary of it as Samantha Malson. In April, police said the 23-year-old Longmont woman attacked her boyfriend, Lars Hansen, when he wouldn't stop singing along with the lyrics. "Malson said that she asked Hansen '25 times' to stop singing," according to a police report. "She said she pushed him a couple of times and, 'I grabbed him around the throat.'" Malson was charged with a misdemeanor, but the story went national after Macklemore himself shared it on his Facebook page.
In November, police busted a Longmont woman who had offered to give topless haircuts — not because of the proposed nudity, they said, but because she isn't licensed as a cosmetologist. Oh, the humanity! Suzette Hall, 46, was arrested after she began offering her services in an online ad, according to reports.
Alec Arapahoe, a twenty-year-old Longmont man, was arrested and charged with using a Taser on his 66-year-old grandmother and his 63-year-old great-aunt. According to police, Arapahoe showed up drunk at his grandmother's house in early January and got into an argument with her and her sister when they asked him to hand over the stun gun. He declined and began harassing them. That's when Arapahoe tased Grandma's rickety old ass. After missing a couple of court dates, Arapahoe finally pleaded guilty in December.
" Greg Brophy, the same guy who actually wasted effort and energy twice trying to get a law passed that would have put Colorado on daylight-savings time year-round"
I'll vote for him if he runs on this platform.
Who doesn't want Colorado to go on daylight-savings year round? Farmers and idiots, that's who.