10 celebrity iPhone apps you don't need
The entertainment industry is well attuned to reaping the benefits of new technology whenever possible. It's also well known for its ability to exploit the same technology. Case in point: if you own an iPhone you've undoubtedly come across some celebrity-centric apps, ranging from RSS feeds to dedicated Twitter clients. Some have more use than others, but even die-hard fans can't argue the apps on this list are worth a penny, let alone your time.
10. It's Britney! The main selling point of this app seems to be the fact that when you shake it, it says, "It's Britney Bitch!" Other than that, it's your standard, celebrity stalking app. You'll get a Twitter feed, some rarely updated news and other completely useless things.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "dnt waste ur money on this! I love u Brit but in speaking the truth. This app just ain't right."
9. Kevin Smith Kevin Smith isn't a hard person to find on the Internet -- his Twitter feed and his Smodcast are well-liked among fans. That said, there isn't much more in the way of content here -- we guess if you like Kevin Smith and NOBODY else this might be cool, but for the rest of the human population, it's just absurd. Besides, he ruined Batman -- and that's just not cool.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "You would have to think this guy is the cats pajamas to find him even mildly interesting."
8. Hammer Time Who the hell gives a rat's ass about MC Hammer anymore? He's a religious singer now -- so using the Hammer Time name for the app just seems like a jab at someone trying to legitimately make a hammering video game.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "BUT I hate all rap. Make one for some DECENT artists. (PLEASE DO MARILYN MANSON)"
7. Spread Snooki There aren't many people stupider in this universe than Snooki, but if you need proof, waste your money and buy this app. While you're at it, be sure to pick up at least six variants on the fart app and then move to a far-off island.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "For the price is not worth it, need more options more variety make it funner pplz!! Stop stealin our $$"
6. Chad Ochocinco This is an app dedicated to a man who changed his last name to Ochocino to match his jersey number. Now, we're not exactly fluent in Spanish, but shouldn't it be ochenta y cinco? If that doesn't exemplify his brilliance, you can get this app and watch his Twitter feed get filled up with insightful gems like: "Man fuck this shhh, I'm going to waffle house, I know I can find entertainment in there, what y'all doing? I've no damn life for real :)" and "what channel is the soccer game on" Aren't you a rich football player Chad? Shouldn't you be able to find your own cable listings?
Quintessential quote from a user review: "fhjdfdssg"
5. Floyd Mayweather This is another "container-app." As far as we can tell it includes some useless workout and life tips including, "superb conditioning is a critical element of my rise to the top," and "If they are hatin, always remember still be on top!!" Well, we're feeling better about ourselves already, and if we get in a fight today, we can follow this tip: "Believe in yourself and you'll always win." Thank goodness, we didn't think we had a chance against Chad Ochocinco, but now that we know we take him, we're not worried for when he comes to kick our asses for the above comments. Quintessential quote from a user review: "It's slowly helping me get stronger"
4. Ask the Hoff Look, David Hasselhoff isn't actually funny -- so an app dedicated entirely to pull quotes and out of context sayings isn't exactly the crème de la crème of human ingenuity. It's actually just some weird cash-in on ironic books you'd find at Urban Outfitters.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "This is funny to play with now I can say I talk with the Hoff everyday lol"
3. Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain We're just as sick of Chuck Norris as you -- look, it's ironic, we get it -- he's cool because he's fucking pathetic. Now can we move on? This app is filled with all the jokes you've heard countless times, wrapped around a crappy beat-em-up. Where is the Steven Seagal love? That dude was way more badass than Chuck Norris; he could beat people up without really moving much. Now that's our type of badass.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "This game is awesome just cuz it has chuck in it"
2. I am T-Pain If you've been around anyone that owns the I am T-Pain app and has had a couple drinks, you understand that it's the hipster equivalent of the vuvuzela. "Look how funny I am having my voice auto-tuned! It's so stupid that it's awesome!" Sigh.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "OMG I love Auto-Tune and I dont care how many people complain about it. Thank You T-Pain for allowing me to sound like you!! Cant wait for a new album btw"
1. The Official Kim Kardashian Application Kim Kardashian fans are the type of people who will pay for anything branded with the Kim Kardashian name. That said -- when they buy this app they'll be treated to a creepy 3D rendition of Ms Kardashian along with some shitty life advice that sounds more like it's coming out the mouth of Floyd Mayweather than Kim. Seriously though, look how creepy the 3D version of here is -- it looks like it was modeled in 2000 for a Sims game.
Quintessential quote from a user review: "I wish I could interact more with her virtual doll instead of just having it spin around."
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