As Westword's Latest Word blogger-extraordinaire Michael Roberts pointed out, the premiere episode of La La's Full Court Wedding was boring, despite the fact that title of the show sounds a little porn-y, like some horribly horrible sex act you'd read about on UrbanDictionary.com. "Gosh, I'm kind of nervous for the honeymoon. I hope he doesn't try the 'full court wedding!'"
The show, which airs on VH1, follows ex-MTV-veejay-turned VH1-reality-TV-star (thanks-to-this-show!) La La Vazquez as she plans her wedding to Nugget-for-now Carmelo Anthony. Most of the first episode deals with mundane details -- the flavor of the cake, the color of the dress, to have a band or not to have a band? -- that aren't made any more interesting by the fact that La La and Melo are rich and famous.
But there were a few shining moments. Here, our top three:
Melo's slippers. Okay, we understand that Melo is a big NBA superstar and being on TV probably doesn't thrill him as much as it thrilled, say, the cast of MTV's True Life: I'm Hustling in the Hamptons. Plus, he's starring in a reality show, so he has to be "real." But, dude. Do you really want America to see you in your white tube socks and slippers?
The part where Kiyan pees his pants. At one point, La La and Melo's three-year-old son, Kiyan, announces that he's peed on himself. It's adorable. And the producers probably included it because the rest of the episode is a snooze fest.
Tyrese tells La La that she needs to stop going to the cluuuuuuub. Words of wisdom from the star of Transformers: Good wives don't go clubbing. Earlier in the show, words of wisdom from La La's mom: Good wives wear sexy lingerie. Just not at the club.
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Watch the full episode below. And stay tuned to see what happens next.
(Spoiler alert! At the end, they get married. Shhh, don't tell.)