It's well known that Philadelphia is a cultural armpit that has never produced anything of value except for Gilbert Lewis, but the town's community of second-rate trivia geeks is apparently up to speed on random facts as posed by a cross-section of obscure Philadelphia celebrities. Last weekend, a crack trivia team organized by Denver's Geeks Who Drink, fresh off a win for Denver at Geek Bowl V, journeyed to Philadelphia to participate in that city's Quizzo Bowl VII, basically a crappier version of the same event. In geekdom, the rivalry between the two cities is similar in vitriol to the rivalry between the Broncos and the Raiders except more violent, and like the Broncs did last time they faced Oakland, GWD got fucking trounced.
"We didn't do very well," admits GWD mouthpiece John Dicker. "we were tied for first until half time and then we just kind of imploded, and I think we ended up somewhere dead middle." Philadelphia's team took third place in our Geek Bowl last month.
By the time the celebrity round was over, our boys from Denver were pretty much done. Maybe they got sensitive when Philadelphia Michael A. Nutter (yes, that is his actual name; he evidently does not have the good sense to wear a top-hat and monocle) shit-talked our fair city (at 8:25).
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Damn you, Michael Nutter! The jerk store called -- they're out of... Philadelphia... or something. And fuck you, too, Tony Luke (6:45). We have sandwiches here that don't look like somebody shat in the French bread.
Seriously, fuck Philadelphia.