Everyday heroes: Shirtless dudes of the Taste of Colorado
Among the sea of hot, exposed flesh that is any summer festival, there are always a few who go the extra mile, those not content to simply bear arms and shins, who throw caution to the wind and doff their top layer of clothing entirely, as if to say, "I'm here, world, and by God, my shirt is not." Today, to commemorate the Taste of Colorado, Denver's final big festival of the summer, we're putting the spotlight on these brave men -- nay, heroes -- for whom commonly observed social conventions offer no deterrent: men, we say, of freedom.
The wife-beater tan line on this man reveals that his favored clothing options tend to be scanty in general -- nevertheless, the addition of an A-shirt to this ensemble would change the dynamic entirely, effectively rendering null the statement of having one's underpants pulled far higher than the pant-line, which is basically the pants equivalent of leaving your tongue sticking halfway out.
Apparently huddled against his compatriots for warmth, this man reveals that festival shirtlessness is not, as commonly believed, about beating the heat; it's about manliness. And to be certain, this man was far and away the manliest guy in line for the bungee sling ride.
Yet another of these brave shirtless soldiers huddled for warmth. Proving that America cares for her own, though, moments after this photo was shot, the eagle tattooed on his back came to life, ordered him a giant turkey leg and enveloped him in her warm embrace.
Like the Spirit of Justice, this man wore a toga-like garb that involved camouflage shorts and what looked like several flags, but also -- like the Spirit of Justice -- left his boobs exposed. Because you cannot hide the boobs of justice.
This man actually was wearing a shirt until seconds before this photo was taken, when he accidentally flexed while leaning down to talk to the lady in front of him and the shirt, under an enormous amount of strain, exploded -- thankfully leaving his beer intact.
Like a photovoltaic solar panel, this man absorbed light by way of the sun tattoo on his left arm, which powered a red, white and blue laser that shot out of his eyes when he took his sunglasses off, which he helpfully used to cook hot dogs.
Like the sick woman reaching to touch the garment of Jesus, this young man was so overwhelmed with awe that he couldn't help but reach out to touch the skin of this shirtless hero, who then, in the spirit of benevolence, turned his water into beer, multiplied one giant turkey legs to feed 1,000 and cured the young man of his haircut.
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