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Fifty Shades of Grey CD? Here are five better tunes for kinky inspiration

Oh, goody! More Fifty Shades stuff!
Oh, goody! More Fifty Shades stuff!

Ever since E.L. James' first rectal-extraction, the book Fifty Shades of Grey, hit the market like a drunken Rip Torn ramming his car into a tractor-trailer, the merchandise spin-off has been explosive -- or catastrophic, depending on your point of view. Stockings, garters, underwear, pajamas, robes, kitchen and bath décor: all offshoots of the book's mild BDSM themes.

And now a collection of fifteen classical music pieces that the author swears she was "inspired by" while she wrote the Fifty Shades trilogy will hit stores tomorrow, September 11.

See also: - I was a human dessert tray and it was BDSM-delicious - Fifty Shades of Grey means business for Fascinations chain - Kink of the Jungle: A Field Guide to Denver's wild side

The CD, predictably titled Fifty Shades of Grey--The Classical Album, features Chopin's Prelude #4 in E minor, Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto #2 - Adagio Sostenuto and the ever-popular Bach: Adagio from Concerto #3 -- all solid choices if you'd like to party like it's 1899.

I'd rather keep my kink music in the modern era. So here's a list of my top five tunes for playtime inspiration. Play these down from five to one for an intense scene -- you know, the opposite of a scene in Fifty Shades.

5. "#1 Crush," Garbage

This song from Garbage's debut album, Vow, (and a hot remix single on the William Shakespeare's Romeo +Juliet soundtrack) is a great kinky warm-up song that helps me get in my proper head space as a submissive. In other words, it makes me feel focused on being pathetic, miserable, obsessive and ready for a righteous -- and consensual -- beat-down. I especially like this song playing in the background whilst I play a rousing game of "dodge the riding crop" as my dominant has me cuffed to a modified sawhorse whipping bench. By the end of song I let 'em "break my will," and now I'm ready for the heavier stuff.

4. "Stripped," Depeche Mode

This single is from the album Black Celebration -- and really, the whole album is a fine choice to play during kink-time, since you really can't deny the deliciousness of a Depeche Mode song in a dungeon space -- or a pretty-pink princess bedroom. I like this particular song to follow my warm-up because it's got a steady beat and mesmerizing lyrics, and my dominant can even flog me in time with the music. It's also slow and soft enough so that I can still clearly hear my d-type calling me filthy names and trampling on my self-esteem like an evil robot smashing an elegant flower bed.

3. "(Can't You) Trip Like I Do," The Crystal Method & Filter

Fifty Shades of Grey CD? Here are five better tunes for kinky inspiration

This song is from the debut album Vegas (and also found on the soundtrack for Spawn) and I prefer it for the most intense parts of my scenes -- it's fast, hard, trippy and fucked up, just the way I like my dominants. I love hearing this while I'm un-cuffed, hurled onto the floor and things are perpetrated upon my person that I'm probably not allowed to talk about here. I'll give you a hint, though: I'll need a shower and a nice nap afterwards.

 

2. "Change (In the House of Flies)," Deftones

This dark, hauntingly deep song is the first single from the act's third album, White Pony, and it's the perfect song to do an ambiance/mood change from hard-core intense to slower and more moderate play. Torture implements are put away for this song, and I'm ready for some good, old-fashioned mind-fucking -- heaps of lovely verbal degradation from my dominant and usually much impassioned sobbing from me. If I'm not crying, then they are doing it R-O-N-G.

1. "She's a Whore," The Tiger Lillies

The London-based trio Tiger Lillies put this melodious song on the 2007 album Urine Palace, and this is one of the best cool-down -- or, as I call them, drop-songs -- I've ever heard, because it's super-slow, with trilling vocals and awesome lyrics. It's perfect for aftercare, which is the liminal period after my dominant and I leave the scene head-spaces and come back down to the real world. I'm petted, fussed over and cuddled, and of course there is usually a CSI-looking space to be cleaned up and Cloroxed-down for next time.



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