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Five horror musicals we're dying to see made

They're not here yet, but we can hope.
They're not here yet, but we can hope.

Just a scant few years ago, "horror musical" wasn't a big thing. Sure, you had your Rocky Horror Picture Show and your Little Shop of Horrors, but beyond those campy classics, there wasn't much love for fans of both murder and singing who wanted to see those two things brought together. Lately, though, musical adaptations of classic horror films are popping up everywhere. Just two months ago, Evil Dead: The Musical brought its singing, dancing and splatter zone to Denver. Tonight, Carrie: The Musical opens at the Bug Theatre, giving rage-filled telekinetic teenagers something to sing about. Outside of Denver, musical adaptations of everything from Re-Animator to Rosemary's Baby have graced stages large and small (okay, mostly small), with more popping up seemingly every day.

There are still plenty of classic horror out there waiting to be rendered in showtune form, though! Here are five horror classics we'd love to see get the musical treatment.

See also: The top ten geek events in Denver in November

As long as this thing gets a song, we're cool.
As long as this thing gets a song, we're cool.

Phantasm

Don Coscarelli's tale of the world's creepiest funeral home director would make a wonderful musical. Why? Well, it's set in the '70s and two of the main characters are already in a band, for starters. That means lot of AM gold-influenced showtunes and feathered hair for everyone! Also, we'd really love to hear a song expressing the inner motivations of that horrific flying silver sphere, and those dwarf zombies would make for one hell of a chorus.

She did it all for Damien
She did it all for Damien

The Omen

The top reason for an Omen musical> There just aren't enough showtunes about Satan. Can you think of a better way to rectify that? Neither can we. We're also looking forward to the big birthday party set piece and the nanny's song of suicidal joy titled "Damien (I Did it All for You)." Then there's the matter of the devil's kid. You just can't go wrong with devil children, especially when they sing a song of evil in those high, sweet voices. Beautiful, really.

The world needs more songs about terror clowns
The world needs more songs about terror clowns

Poltergeist

The seemingly endless wave of '80s nostalgia is finally waning, so this one needs to get made fast. A nice blend of new wave- and hair metal-influenced tunes would seem to be the best bet, but really, as long as the creepy clown gets a good tune while it tries to pull the kid under the bed, we'll be happy. Well, maybe not happy, but our nightmares will have a catchy soundtrack, anyway. And we imagine the closing number about the dangers of building over ancient Indian burial grounds should be a doozy, too. How could it not be, with such rich subject matter to mine?

Would you like to play a musical game?
Would you like to play a musical game?

Saw

At this point, the Saw franchise is as played out as it could possibly be. That makes it the perfect time for a musical revival. Jigsaw is just the kind of melodramatic, over-the-top villain that musicals thrive on, so this one seems like a no-brainer. Or at least an incredibly elaborate mechanical trap that removes the brain of anyone who doesn't think this is a totally kick-ass idea.

Let me sing you the song of my people (that I've killed)
Let me sing you the song of my people (that I've killed)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

It's a miracle that no one has adapted this one yet. After all, Freddy Krueger always had a little of that Phantom of the Opera vibe, what with the horrible burning and all. It's also a fine opportunity to adapt Cheap Trick's "Dream Police" for the stage, because even though that song has nothing to do with A Nightmare on Elm Street, it totally should. Plus, if the thing got really, really successful, maybe they could get Johnny Depp to play the role of Freddy on Broadway, in a bizarre, Ouroborosian twist to the whole NoES saga.


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Bug Theatre

3654 Navajo St.
Denver, CO 80211

303-477-9984

www.bugtheatre.org


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