A couple wants a kickass wedding with all the trimmings -- full band with the saxophone player, twenty-tier French cake with custard filling, individually plated sashimi selections, and a photo booth that takes those old-fashioned sepia pictures -- all in an urbane, affected, pastoral setting complete with white ponies. But the lovebirds can't afford it, of course, so where to turn? GoFundMe. Since they're so tied up in their once-in-a-lifetime romance, why not ask ask friends, family, acquaintances and total strangers on the Internet to pay for their special day?
Because it's f*cking tacky as hell, that's why not. This new trend of unbridled nuptial greed reeks worse than leftover chicken cordon bleu. As proof, here are five reasons why crowd-funded weddings are tacky -- no need to send a thank-you note.
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5. Because even modern etiquette gets kickedin the wedding bells.
Wedding traditions and etiquette have definitely evolved from the days when parcel-of-land-and-a-cow dowries were the way to go; even the more recent practice of the bride's parents paying for the wedding and the groom's parents picking up the honeymoon expenses has gone the way of the long engagement. People are getting married later now -- often more than once -- after iiving together in already established households. So it makes sense for couples to plan wedding events that reflect their lives -- but they also need to fit their bank accounts. They shouldn't expect their parents to cough up cash, much less their other relatives, friends, associates and social media acquaintances to empty their pockets to treat the happy couple to extravagant parties and trips.
It has always been in poor taste to ask other people to provide expensive luxuries that you don't need, and can't get for yourself. Period.
4. There is a difference between guests and customers.
There has been a rash of stories lately about newlyweds expecting -- and even demanding -- that their wedding guests pay for the privilege of seeing them marry by giving specific gifts, gift cards or cash. Some want to make sure that the costs involved with the wedding are even-Steven, and some even want loot left over for the honeymoon. Either way, they're transforming honored guests into paying customers.
Asking wedding guests to defray the costs of the festivities is tacky, and turns what should be a celebration into a pay-per-view event.
3. Wedding guests generally don't view attending weddings as transactiona.l
It is polite but optional to buy a wedding gift. It's also polite but optional to give newlyweds a gift card, cash or a check instead of a gift. So it's impolite to the point of unabashed rudeness for couples to demand gifts, demand money -- and take issue with wedding guests who do not ante up. A wedding ceremony and reception are ostensibly for the bride, groom, family and friends to celebrate; guests are there to show their support.
Wedding invitations aren't supposed to be considered invoices.
2. It's still cool to celebrate within your financial means.
Creating a lovely wedding that fits in any budget is definitely possible, and books, magazines, blogs and entire websites are devoted to helping couples plan nuptials on a shoestring or a string of pearls. Small weddings can be just as classy and inviting as large ones, and it's amazing how creative people can be. So really, truly, simply -- there is no excuse for throwing a huge production on credit when you can have a beautiful event that is reasonably-priced...and paid for.
Couples who insist on having lavish weddings that they have to pay off later are almost as tacky as those couples who expect everyone else to chip in for them.
1. Crowdsourcing makes wedding entitlement issues worse...
...and they are already off the chain. Bridezillas, Groomzillas, mob-giver wedding planners and ridiculously dramatic reality TV shows have created a seriously loathsome wedding culture that turns what should be happy life events into unholy sh*t-circuses. Using a crowd-funding platform to solicit funds for a wedding stinks of entitlement. Imagining that anyone owes you a dream wedding because you want one -- and using the same means as cancer patients, animal rescue efforts or other charities -- is beyond tacky.
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What's next? Crowd-sourced divorces?