Everyone is driven by sex. I am, you are, your parents are (or were, at least). Advertising firms know this all too well, and they use sex to sell everything from toothpaste to doggy-poop scoopers. As a society, we've come to accept this as a necessary evil in exchange for the ability to hydrate exclusively with Perrier if we want to -- we're talking GDP here. But when ads mix connotations and allusions to hot, adult sex with concrete images of sexualized infants and toddlers, they make our psyches cross a line we don't want to cross. Unless, of course, you're a pedophile, in which case you've got bigger problems. After the jump, we give you five of the worst uses of sexuality in ads involving children under ten, to make you feel nice and uncomfortable.
05. Condom Kids: Disturbing on more than one level When condom companies are loathe to tackle the wouldn't-it-suck-to-have-a-sexually-transmitted-infection angle, they often turn to the wouldn't-it-suck-to-have-kids-right-now angle. Though the thought of brats ruining their lives -- sex and otherwise -- is highly persuasive for most young adults, this advert puts the twerps right in the middle of the action -- a place children just really should never be.
04. Huggies Diaper: The coolest you'll look pooping your pants Remove the image of the sexy alpha male, replace it with a toddler in jean-printed diapers catching the eye of all the beautiful people and follow it with a scantily clad sex symbol (we never see her face) who is presumably his mom -- though the ad portrays her more like his pedophilic girlfriend -- and what do you get? A pleasing shot of a woman's toned, bare legs walking like a runway model, then BAM! A toddler's butt, which leads to a disturbing swirl of concepts that should never be mixed together.
03. Breastfeeding is hot right now This ad is impossible. As if that woman has ever breast fed. And you know she's not actually carrying that baby, right? Also, the pages are intentionally stuck together, so the reader of the magazine is implicated in this woman's pain when they rip the pages apart and see a torn booby. The baby here is, of course, just a prop used in order to get away with as much frontal nudity as possible.
02. Perfume for the sexually active nine-year-old girl Big, curly hair. Big blue, intense eyes. Thick lashes, and red, glistening lipstick. Sexy right? No, add a teddy bear and make the model ten years old -- now that's sexy. This vintage ad provides some historical perspective to this list, showing just how far we've not come since that previous century when this gem of an ad was bestowed upon the public. But that was before iPhones, so who cares?
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01. Baby-Man: they should have given the little guy sleeve tats This advert's blatant allusion to the strength and beauty of mega-hunk David Beckham was obviously an attempt to make consumers think GoodNights brand diapers will somehow propel their child into the upper echelons of manly greatness, but drawing the connection between the hyper-sexualized image of Beckham to a toddler wearing diapers is bumming chicks out across the globe.