Ah, Heidi Montag. How do we take pleasure in your misfortune? Let us count the ways: First, there was The Hills, one of the most boring reality-drama-fests ever created. Then, there was the messy split from husband/ultra-douche Spencer Pratt. Then, there was the will-they-won't-they sex tape, and the comically enormous tits, and the bizarre reconciliation. Now, sigh, the couple has admitted to Life & Style the the whole divorce was in fact an attention-seeking sham -- making Montag officially the crassest attention-whore to come out of Colorado since Richard Heene.
Oh, also, Pratt and Montag are bankrupt. Here's the press release from Life & Style:
After they found out The Hills would not be renewed earlier this year, Heidi and Spencer concocted a plan to get attention by divorcing shortly after their anniversary. The reality duo tell Life & Style there was interest in a series covering their split from British TV network ITV, so they splashed down cash to move their act to Costa Rica. But that deal fell through and soon after, they called off the divorce proceedings and reunited.
"The divorce was real -- just the idea behind it was different than most people's," Spencer tells Life & Style. "Divorcing was the only way to keep Heidi's career going because everyone hated me so much. Look at Sandra Bullock -- her divorce from Jesse James was the best thing to happen to her image."
Now, they worry how they'll ever get themselves out of the cash crisis. "I can't make regular money because I was playing such an unlikeable character on TV to keep my checks coming. Who wants to hire the jerk from The Hills?"
Shoot, I don't know. Perhaps a career in heating and cooling maintenance? Still, in a perverse way, you kind of have to admire a guy so self-deluded he can qualify one of the sleaziest publicity stunts ever by saying it's just "different than most people." Different, indeed, Spencer Pratt, because it is far worse.
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In the meantime, Montag and Pratt apparently managed to blow through every last penny of a $10 million nest-egg since the show was canceled -- in March -- and now owe some $2 million to the IRS, causing Montag to second-guess getting sculpted up like a plastic hedge: "I spent thousands on the procedures and after-care. I had private nurses coming twice a day for two months for treatments and bandage chances. Each time they came it cost $2000. I wish I didn't waste so much money on it."
The result of the expenditure? Montag now looks like an animatronic blowup doll and lives off her husband's parents. "Spencer's parents go to the grocery store for us once a week, and that's all we get," she said, adding: "Boo hoo. Boo hoo hoo hoo."
Oh, Heidi. Monetary bankruptcy's nothing you can't get used to -- after all, you've been culturally bankrupt for quite some time.