How to go swimming... in other people's pools
Denver's public pools have been closed for almost a month already, and if you don't wanna fork over the cash for one last hurrah at Water World, what do you do? Baby pools in the yard suck, and chances are, if you have your own actual pool in your yard, you aren't reading this anyway. Even if you're the guy who put the effort into buying and maintaining an above-ground pool, its probably full of cigarette butts and leaves by now.
So, with Labor Day looming, where can your get your swim on one more time before summer is actually over? Why, other people's pools, of course. And how does one get in on OPPs? It's as easy as pretending you're an invited sunbather, and below are some tips for getting in on some dips this weekend before swimming outside becomes obsolete for another nine months.
Tip #1: Poll your friends who live in apartments to zero in on pool possibilities
If you're not down with breaking into a hotel or apartment complex pool, ask around. You'd be surprised by how many of those odd 50s, 60s and 70s-era buildings in capitol hill have swimming pools. Just make sure to ask if its an outdoor pool. Indoor apartment complex pools are gross and seem too slimy and unkept, even for the ballsiest of illegal pool hoppers. There is just something about water in a room covered in wallpaper that just isn't right.
Tip #2: Be dressed and ready to go
Wandering around areas with a lot of apartment complexes is also another great way to find a good pool, just make sure you've got your suit on and you're ready to go. Besides, its a good cover -- sometimes, just approaching the gate of a busy swimming hole in your suit is enough to get someone else to let you in. It is all about acting like you belong there.
Tip #3: Rock a weekday swim
This is best for unemployed and freelance types (much like us). But if you can go for a swim around 1 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon, your chances of getting hassled are minimal. Regular people work for a living, so, you know, they aren't around to bust up your "I'm so unemployed" pool soiree.
Tip #4: Smoke, drink or do whatever you have to do before entering the pool
Everyone knows that having a beer or nursing a bottle of vodka directly in the pool is (for some reason) more appealing than it is outside of the pool. But if you want to get a good amount of swimming in, it is best to do so with minimal paraphernalia on your person. Illegal swimming is all about the quick in and easy out.
If you must, pre-game in an alley in your bathing suit and nobody will bother you. They will likely stay away from you because you're a weird guy in an alley drinking a 40. In a bathing suit.
Tip #5: Don't invite your jackass friend along
Keep it cool. Don't bring that stupid, attention-starved guy who has to out-cannonball and out-drink everyone else. He is a guaranteed one-way ticket out of your awesome and illegal swimming party. Besides, he's probably the dude who pees in the pool anyway. Fuck that guy.
Tupac had the right idea:
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