Being a reality TV standby best known for getting kicked off his first gig on MTV's Road Rules: South Pacific for attacking a black co-star with widely speculated racist motivations is not exactly the most admirable thing to be known for, but this weekend, Abram Boise managed to shit all over even that dubious legacy -- like, literally. After being picked up in Lunenburg, Massachusetts, for public urination, Boise -- who came out middle-of-the-pack in the first Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, filmed in Telluride in 2003 -- reportedly defecated like some virulent chimpanzee into his hand and smeared it all over his jail cell.
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And that was after police say he pissed all over the first jail cell they put him in (which, just to recap, was after he was originally picked up for a piss-related crime). Once in the second cell, Police said in his arraignment yesterday, the self-described artist and writer used his poop like so much finger paint, writing his name in three-foot letters on the cell wall (kind of ruins your plausible deniability), also soiling a couple of windows. Boise is 28 years old, by the way. Just think about that for a second.
At his arraignment yesterday afternoon, the judge let him off on a $300 bond, with a court pre-trial hearing coming up in May; he faces two counts of defacing property. Though whoever had to clean up Boise's cell would no doubt like to see him charged more harshly, it's certain that the incident will not be good for Boise's children's book career -- which, yeah, in a bizarre turn of events, turns out he has a children's book career. Really, this whole thing is just too weird to be true.
It is true, though, and in spite of that Boise managed not to be notably racist, urinate in public or smear feces on anything we're aware of during his time here in our fair state, we'd rather he not return.