Jersey Shore 3 Episode 10: You're a sucker, bro

This is Snooki's serious face. Seriously.
This is Snooki's serious face. Seriously.

Sammi, the psychotic drama bomb is back--and within the first thirty seconds of this episode, Ronnie has already returned to his usual sniffling shit-show behavior. Between his slamming of sliding doors, turning pale, mumbling and pouting, Ronnie is a tantrum-throwing mess. The Situation makes everything worse by imitating the chokehold that is Sammi's twisted and backhanded verbal handcuffs. But no matter, Ronnie wears his imaginary love shackles with pride, allowing everyone to make fun of his sad state, yet again.



Everyone's favorite whack job, Sammi
Everyone's favorite whack job, Sammi
Bree Davies

While everyone is primping for their usual trip to Karma, Snooki calls Vinny over to her part of the couch and quietly instructs him not to bring a girl home for the night--as if she has any real say in what he does. The crew heads to the club, where Ronnie spends the whole night being obsessed with where Sammi and her horrible attitude are in the club, in relation to him. 


When everyone is done getting drunk, grinding on strangers and yelling over the music, they head back to the house. Of course, Vinny brings a girl home. Pauly, being the best wingman ever, brings her friend home, who is presumed to be prettier. They are both Dominican, apparently, and this is what makes them hot.
The smartest woman in Jersey
The smartest woman in Jersey

Snooki tries to elbow her way into Vinny's room to bust up his smoosh-down, but Ronnie intercepts. While he's trying to counsel Snooki about the birds and the bees and the rules of hooking up, Sammi is in the background talking all kinds of stuff about "men" and "boys" and "pigs." Like we (and Ronnie) don't get it. Like we don't get that Sammi is still full of hate. 


But anyway, the Dominican hook-ups don't even stay the night. Snooki wah-wah-wahs all night long about her love for Vinny anyway, waking up the next morning and not remembering a thing. The crew then goes bowling, and Deena tries to kill half of the cast by attempting to drive. It is also raining, but it is clear that Deena doesn't usually drive an automobile. Once at the bowling alley, Vinnie spends the entire trip trying to dissect Snooki's bizarre jealous behavior. He, like the rest of the world, comes to no conclusion.
If only Roger was the one saying what the subtitle reads here.
If only Roger was the one saying what the subtitle reads here.

Back at the house, the battle against the poop in the toilet is raging on into its third episode. A plumber finally finds the culprit of the stank clog--a men's t-shirt. This t-shirt, or the "shit-tee" as it's now named, takes up a good five minutes of the show's dialog. We also witness Snooki do something that has never been seen before: She cleans.  

 
The innocent woman blamed for the cheese incident.
The innocent woman blamed for the cheese incident.

That night, Snooki, Ronnie and Sammi stay sober and fuck things up at the house, royally, continuing the prank war from previous episodes by putting cheese in the Situation's bed. The rest of the house goes out and duh, gets drunk, and JWoww reunites with Roger. The Sitch finds a girl, makes sure she's 21 and takes her home, where the bed funk takes its toll on his potential hook-up. 

Warning to women of the world: This man believes that STDs cannot be spread through oral sex
Warning to women of the world: This man believes that STDs cannot be spread through oral sex

The poor girl gets booted and the next morning, the Situation regales the girls with his smelly drama story. He reveals that after he caught wind of the cheddar-ness, he made sure to get a blow job from the girl before he called her a cab -- get this -- because, somehow, as a thirty-year-old man, the Situation believes that one cannot get an STD from a BJ. JWoww calls a doctor, literally, to prove that yes, STDs are spread through oral sex. Luckily, the Sitch did spray his bed with Axe after it happened, so he's probably in the clear. 


Semi-memorable quotes: 

"Deena might be the worst driver in the Tri-State area." - Pauly

"I was like so histatic, I almost cried. Histatic is like, you know when you're super happy."

- Deena


"Your mood's good, your nails are good. You're good." - Snooki

"I've actually named his penis Moby Dick." - Snooki (about Vinny's penis)

"It's kind of like we have our own individual smoosh rooms" -Vinny 

"Are you fully gay? Awesome." - Vinny

"It won't be long before Mike's dick falls off." - JWoww

"If there is a plumber in this universe who will face the shit in my toilet, he deserves a medal." - Vinny

"I wanna wake up and not have a hang over. I can have fun without drinking. Fuck you, alcohol." - Snooki

"The fat one is actually kind of cute. I would definitely like hanging out with that." - Snooki

"Their beer goggles are terrible." - Sammi

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