Thursday, March 17, 2011 at 8:01 p.m.
Oh gee, really? Do we have to open episode twelve by continuing the Sammi and Ronnie blowout from last week? At this point, the relationship toxicity isn't even remotely entertaining--in fact, we kind of wish it would all implode on itself again and make them both disappear. But instead, we'll just focus on the peanut gallery to this fight, and the fact that it seems like Snooki and Deena have been drunk every moment of every day this season and somehow not thrown up. Maybe they have puked and we just forgot. Maybe we're just drunk by association.
We also still can't figure out why this dude Danny still has to keep this fake job senario going at the Shore Shop or whatever it is called, but the last few days are going to be hell. No one wants to work, in fact, they are all avoiding work like they've never avoided work before. Hangovers are the usual and best distraction, along with sleeping on the job and flat out refusing to work.
But we learn that Danny isn't just the aggravated boss of a shitty staff at a boardwalk store, he's also an ear piercer. Under the usual peer pressure that is Pauly's influence, Vinnie gets his ears pierced, and apparently, this makes him a man. Last week, he got a tan and became a guido. This week, his studs make him a real man.
Back at the house, the focus is on getting ready for the club. Ronnie and Sammi stay home and have lots of hate sex--gross--while everyone heads to Aztec. There, we find Danielle, Pauly D's supreme stalker. She spends the entire night stalking him until he rounds up the dudes and a handful of grenades and heads home. Once everyone is back at the house, a grenade's brother comes to bust up the party, which he successfully does. After the grenades are removed from the premises, Vinnie tries to simultaneously dis and hook, line and sinker Snooki. She doesn't go for it.
The next morning, Deena and JWoww intercept an amazing drunk-dial call to the house from Ronnie's mom, of all people. Ronnie and Sammi are out at the eye doctor, but soon enough, The Situation gets on the line and unloads on Ronnie's mom, stewing his usual crock of bullshit until Ronnie appears and finally ends the call. There is something beyond fucked and poetic about seeing a man like Ronnie take a call on a duck phone from his drunk mother at 9 a.m.
This phone call starts a dirty downward spiral of gossip, where, in front of the rest of the house, The Sitch states his case to Ronnie (once again) about why he thinks Sammi is cheating. As he drills is gossip deeper, Sammi walks out on the back porch and tries to confront The Sitch for his snitching. It seems as though Ronnie is so obsessed with feeling cheated on, he leaves Sammi's mindfuck to enter The Situation's mindfuck, full on. We too are mindfucked.
But it isn't over yet. The Situation bitches out to a whole new level and gets his friend Arwin-- the man in question who may or may not be coming between Ronnie and Sammi--on the phone, and attempts to lead his testimony toward a guilty verdict in the Sammi cheating scandal. It sounds like The Sitch may get what he wants: Another Ronnie and Sammi meltdown.
But more importantly, beyond the mindfuckery, we learn from this episode that "neutraled" is now a verb.
"It just so happens that Deena defies the law of intelligence" - The Situation
"Hello, I'm here to hook up with, and you still haven't hooked up with me" - Snooki (to Vinnie)
"You'll be a pimp with your ears pierced." - Pauly
"Danielle is the only thing that scares me in Seaside." - Pauly
"This woman is not a grenade; she is an atomic bomb." - Pauly
"You came here to do sex with Pauly and Vinny" - Deena
"Ronnie's mom is gangster" - The Situation