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Jersey Shore Cast: Where will they be in ten years?

The end of your fame draws nigh.
The end of your fame draws nigh.

Lower Snooki in a ball in Times Square on New Year's Eve while The Situation and other cast members lead a Guinness-breaking fist pump. That was MTV's original plan, but the authorities shot it down. They're doing it in Jersey instead. Season three of the show starts next week, and this right now is clearly the apex of celebrity for these people -- it's all downhill from here. Where will they be in ten years? We have some guesses.

Jersey Shore Cast in 2020

DJ Pauly D

Occupation: DJ, duh

Blown it all on: Hair gel and board shorts

Has been arrested on charges of: Possession of a controlled substance

Will bang you for: $200

Snooki

Occupation: Minor-league baseball mascot

Blown it all on: Costco's snack food aisle

Has been arrested on charges of: Indecent exposure

Will bang you for: $1,000

Sammi Sweetheart

Occupation: Stay-at-home mom

Blown it all on: Salon trips

Has been arrested on charges of: Vandalism

Will bang you for: $3,000

Ronnie

Occupation: WWE superstar

Blown it all on: (wait for it...) Steroids

Has been arrested on charges of: Assault, obviously

Will bang you for: $2,000

Vinny

Occupation: Unemployed

Blown it all on: Video games and shit from Brookstone

Has been arrested on charges of: Nothing. Vinny's no criminal.

Will bang you for: $3,000

Angela

Who gives a shit about Angela?

Jwoww

Occupation: Auto magazine model

Blown it all on: Hasn't. For some reason we feel Jwoww is the 50 Cent of this crowd.

Has been arrested on charges of: Assault

Will bang you for: $20,000

The Situation

Occupation: Strip club bouncer

Blown it all on: Strippers

Has been arrested on charges of: Sexual harassment

Will bang you for: Free


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