It's been ten years since the first installment of Meet the Parents paired Robert DeNiro as an overbearing, somewhat menacing father-in-law with Ben Stiller as an awkward, you know, every character Ben Stiller ever plays. But get this: His last name is -- this is hilarious! -- Focker. Ten years later, the third installment of the series is still stretching those two thin jokes to their absolute breaking point, filling in 90 minutes of run time with a few awkward dick jokes along the way.
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It's telling, really, that Dustin Hoffman, who initially refused to appear in this installment and was later awkwardly added in in late production (must have needed the money?), does not appear listed as starring in the film in the gratuitously long star-credit montage that happens around 0:49. From that, we can deduce two things: One, that Dustin Hoffman is the only actor here with any shame, and two, that that fact is particularly sad, since star-power is the only thing this film has going for it.
In fact, there's so much time devoted to showing off the stars' gleaming mugs that there's hardly any time for jokes -- but the ones we get are, as expected, pretty traumatizing. Watch as the beautiful Christmas spread gets splattered with Ben Stiller's fake blood! Behold as Stiller stabs DeNiro's boner with a needle! And really, who among us hasn't secretly wished to see Ben Stiller stabbing Robert DeNiro in the penis?
Congratulations, America. Your Christmas wish came true.