I am from a small, li'l town in eastern Iowa. We have a grocery store, a maximum security prison and a Wal-Mart. My family is still there and I miss them, terribly. I admit that I am often homesick for the slower pace and ease of mind Small Town America can offer. But I just felt like I had to go. So I did.
When I moved to Denver, I may as well have been moving to Manhattan. Denver seemed huge and intimidating and exciting and I felt like a resident of the biggest city in the world. It was magic.
Five-ish years later, I still feel like that sometimes. I avoid the suburbs like the plague, I almost never venture into the mountains and, whenever possible, I brag to my little sister that I’m never more than ten minutes away from wherever it is I might need to be. Poor dear – she has to drive at least thirty minutes just to see a first-run film. Imagine.
Now that I live and work in Denver, I see no reason ever to leave the city. Ever. I love Denver. Denver is great.
Imagine my irritation, therefore, when I heard that Charlie Whomever, Denver's contribution to Shear Genius’s second season on Bravo, said he was “from hell.”
I’m sorry? What?
I understand that, like every metropolis, Denver has its share of challenges to overcome. But we’re not talking shit about you, Charlie, and how you allowed yourself to be photographed wearing a huge, gay, “Carrie Bradshaw” flower-brooch thing.
We have museums. We have every kind of cuisine you could want. We have theaters and sports teams and art galleries and kick-ass local music. We have the Denver Botanic Gardens. We have Marty Coniglio. (I love Marty Coniglio.) In short, we have it all.
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In conclusion, Mr. Charlie “Benedict Arnold” Whomever (whose last name is really Price), Denver would like to invite you to suck it. You have been given a national platform from which to sing this city's praises. And this is what you do with it? Bad form, sir. For shame.
…Unless I misunderstood the quote which, upon reading it a second time, I see I may have done. Hmm…If that’s the case, I take it all back and wish you lotsa luck. I hope you win. Great flower brooch, by the way.
-- Steven J. Burge