I am from a small, li'l town in eastern Iowa. We have a grocery store, a maximum security prison and a Wal-Mart. My family is still there and I miss them, terribly. I admit that I am often homesick for the slower pace and ease of mind Small Town America can offer. But I just felt like I had to go. So I did.
When I moved to Denver, I may as well have been moving to Manhattan. Denver seemed huge and intimidating and exciting and I felt like a resident of the biggest city in the world. It was magic.
Five-ish years later, I still feel like that sometimes. I avoid the suburbs like the plague, I almost never venture into the mountains and, whenever possible, I brag to my little sister that I’m never more than ten minutes away from wherever it is I might need to be. Poor dear – she has to drive at least thirty minutes just to see a first-run film. Imagine.
Now that I live and work in Denver, I see no reason ever to leave the city. Ever. I love Denver. Denver is great.
Imagine my irritation, therefore, when I heard that Charlie Whomever, Denver's contribution to Shear Genius’s second season on Bravo, said he was “from hell.”
I’m sorry? What?
I understand that, like every metropolis, Denver has its share of challenges to overcome. But we’re not talking shit about you, Charlie, and how you allowed yourself to be photographed wearing a huge, gay, “Carrie Bradshaw” flower-brooch thing.
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We have museums. We have every kind of cuisine you could want. We have theaters and sports teams and art galleries and kick-ass local music. We have the Denver Botanic Gardens. We have Marty Coniglio. (I love Marty Coniglio.) In short, we have it all.
In conclusion, Mr. Charlie “Benedict Arnold” Whomever (whose last name is really Price), Denver would like to invite you to suck it. You have been given a national platform from which to sing this city's praises. And this is what you do with it? Bad form, sir. For shame.
…Unless I misunderstood the quote which, upon reading it a second time, I see I may have done. Hmm…If that’s the case, I take it all back and wish you lotsa luck. I hope you win. Great flower brooch, by the way.
-- Steven J. Burge