Standup comic and Parks and Recreation star Aziz Ansari hates texting girls. “There’s always miscommunication,” he says. “I’ll text a girl, she texts me back right away, I text her back right away. Then I’ll say something like, 'Cool, you wanna get pizza on Tuesday?’ And I don’t hear anything. And I’m like, what just happened? I know you read that shit. You just responded to twenty other things I just said. What, do you not like me anymore? Did you check your phone into a locker and go ride a roller coaster for a few hours? What’s the deal? After a few hours I get real upset, and want to text, ‘Well guess who just got uninvited to the pizza party? You did. Because I hate you now.’ The girl always texts back with something like ‘, 'Sorry, I was at my niece’s ballet recital, and we had to turn off our phones.’ And I’m like, 'Whatever, we’re done. I’m going to pizza with my friend Brian. He’s nice to me.’”

Get a slice of Aziz Ansari’s neuromedy at 8 p.m. tonight at Macky Auditorium on the University of Colorado campus. Tickets are $25 to $35; for more information, go to
Wed., May 8, 8 p.m., 2013


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