Christmas can be a tough holiday for hipsters to navigate. There's all that festive frivolity -- and crass commercialism! Still, it's possible to celebrate seasonal traditions at the same time you recognize all the ironies. Here are nine ways to have a happy hipster Christmas...
See also: Hipster Bash at The Thin Man
9) Santa and his Elves Hipster Santa has given up on gluten and lost a few pounds. He's exchanged the baggy, velvet suit for flannel and red skinny jeans. He's also downsized to a messenger bag and traded in the sleigh for a bike. This means no more reindeer; besides, making them pull a sleigh would be animal cruelty. Hipster elves work in a modern workshop and are paid well above minimum wage, with bonus gift cards for acupuncture and aroma therapy treatment. They all wear ironic T-shirts about the commercialism of the holiday, drink espresso and smoke American Spirits.
8) Holiday Facial Hair Facial hair is so in vogue that it's up to you how to get creative. You can nix the beard and go with just a mustache, preferably dyed white. Or you can put Santa to shame and grow a Gandalf-level beard. Take it a step further by decorating your beard with holiday baubles or candy canes.
7) Christmas Movies This year, forgo the cheesy holiday movies. Use your extra days off to Netflix documentaries about Third World countries, the economy and the rapid poisoning of the environment. It may be Christmas, but that doesn't mean you should ignore the world's problems like everyone else.6) Christmas Carols
While you figure out where to find solar-powered twinkly lights, rock out to obscure European Christmas songs and any classic holiday tunes you have on vinyl. Instead of caroling, throw on a set of headphones and go door to door jamming to your esoteric play list while your neighbors stare at you in confusion.
5) Food and Drink Christmas dinner should star tofurkey seasoned with homegrown herbs accompanied with quinoa stuffing and raw-sugared yams. Or skip the homemade dinner entirely and find a food truck serving Thai Mexican fusion. Feel free to spike the eggnog (made with free-range eggs, of course), with some cognac, rum and just a splash of PBR. When leaving out cookies for Santa, try a vegan, gluten-free cookie recipe -- or maybe just leave a bowl of granola and a soy chai latte, so he can keep up his strength. Keep reading for four more ways to have a happy hipster Christmas.
4) Gifts Don't even think about going into a corporate, soul-sucking department store. Load your list with fair-trade items bought locally. Anything you give should be wrapped in recycled paper, obviously, and it's a bonus if they're wrapped in poignant newspaper articles about society's looming demise.
3) Ugly Christmas Sweater Ugly Christmas sweaters are too mainstream. This year, drop some serious dough on a really fancy Christmas sweater that has nothing to do with the holiday. Or get crafty and knit your own so that you can say, "Oh, you didn't make your sweater?"
2) Christmas Trees Pine trees have had their heyday; it's time to try something new. Get creative and wrap a set of lights around a stack of books or a ladder -- or personalize the display to your passion and use an instrument or a camera tripod. If you're set on having plants, grab a simple branch from your nearby forest, and s cour thrift stores and antique shops for vintage ornaments. Or go ultra-modern and make ornaments out of old phones, iPods and tablets. Because your iPad2 is useless to you now.
1) Celebrate Christmas Before Its Cool If you want to get technical, hipster Christmas is actually celebrated on December 22. So plan your festivities three days early and then return to your regular hipster routine on December 25.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Follow Amanda Moutinho on Twitter at @amandamoutinho.