Last night, Hollywood engaged in its yearly back-pat, bestowing little gold statues on those who brought the greatest dignity to the big screen last year. Amidst all that pomp and circumstance, it can be easy to forget that, as amazing as Natalie Portman was in Black Swan, she was also the leaden queen of the ill-advised Star Wars prequels. More career missteps below.Colin Firth in St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold
The girls of St. Trinian's school are back, and this time there's pirate treasure at stake! Hijinks, dumb blonde jokes and exposed legs ensue, and Colin Firth is somehow a bombshell. This is England, we suppose. Ray Bennett of the
calls it, "Strident, clumsy and pointless."Natalie Portman in Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Behold as young love blossoms between a little kid and a woman old enough to be, at the very least, his babysitter. But it's not the age gap that worries us -- no, that would be the disaster that is all three of these movies, and the painful-emo relationship that develops between a humorless Natalie Portman and barely-clinging-to-a-career Hayden Christensen.Melissa Leo in The Alphabet Killer
Melissa Leo's done a ton of b-list horror movie roles, but none are more spectacularly clumsy thanThe Alphabet Killer
. Don't worry about a logical conclusion -- just mash together a creepy, dead little girl, a pretty face getting progressively closer to getting killed and a loose tie to actual events, and you've got a smash hit no one will remember in a year.
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When you are the star of a movie considered less heartfelt and human than the ones starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, that is an incredible achievement in ineptitude. The thing is, Christian Bale did this just two years ago, after it was apparent that he was a ridiculously good actor. Why on earth did he think this movie would work?