Our Commercial Culture: New York Snacks Will Straight Up Murder Your Ass

These aren't your normal healthy snacks from the countryside that make you feel loved and appreciated just by eating 'em. No, these NYC snacks don't fuck around, so don't give 'em any trouble, you hear? Unless you want to end up like Mr. Hotdog, floating in the Hudson, half-eaten by...

By Ben Dayton

April 27, 2011

[
        {
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Inline Content - Mobile Display Size",
          "component": "12017618",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "17242653",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18838239",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17261320",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18838239",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - Leaderboard Tower - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17261321",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

These aren't your normal healthy snacks from the countryside that make you feel loved and appreciated just by eating 'em. No, these NYC snacks don't fuck around, so don't give 'em any trouble, you hear? Unless you want to end up like Mr. Hotdog, floating in the Hudson, half-eaten by seagulls. Twisting the public's assumptions and flipping cultural references on their heads is all well and good, but this new spot for the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City makes us wonder if they took the ol' people-from-new-york-are-jerks joke a little too far.

This advert teaches us the sad truth that even seemingly adorable, anthropomorphized snack items have their dark side, and just because they put on a smile for the show doesn't mean they won't snap and try to kill you with their snack sign.

This gives new meaning to the phrase Snack Attack. The Tribeca Film Fest tag-line should read: "The only film festival in America where people fear for their lives before the movie even starts. Don't push in line or step on anybody's toes, or you might get killed. Not a threat, just a reality. If you are accosted, remain calm and do not provoke the perpetrator lest the incident escalate to physical violence. Your life is worth more than a petty show of pride. Just walk away. But do not, under any circumstances, turn your back to a guy in a popcorn outfit."

Follow us on Twitter!

KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. Your membership allows us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls. You can support us by joining as a member for as little as $1.