This week's most ridiculous trailer: The Expendables

In a world... where you can cram 75 action stars into one movie... nobody will see that movie... for any other reason than that it is badass. Honestly, this flick might as well be a series of five-second shots of Sylvester Stallone et al. kicking ass and firing really big guns, and realistically, it's probably not going to be much more than that. It doesn't need to be. The whole draw is that it's like an amalgamation of every action movie made in the last twenty years, except most likely with Islamic terrorists as the bad guys instead of robots or Communists or whatever. And that's exactly where the trailer for The Expendables miscalculates. Let's take a look.

Here's the problem: For at least two thirds of this trailer, it's boring. Blah, blah, loyalty, blah, blah, Sly Stallone kisses some girl, indicating there's a romantic subplot so your girlfriend won't be completely disenfranchised when you drag her to see this thing, blah, blah. Also, note the frenetic exchange of one-liners around the thirty-second mark, where the camera cuts between characters at intervals of roughly 0.05 seconds and they say words that make no sense together.

But the real draw, the part we want to see, where the nu-metal kicks in and there are lots of explosions and then it cuts out so Stallone can say a one-liner and then kicks in again with more explosions -- that part doesn't kick in until 1:50, and that is just unacceptable. When will you ever learn, Hollywood? If you're going to make a movie featuring lots of guns, one-liners and gratuitous violence, just make that movie. Don't jerk us around.


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