Though Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre remains mum on the subject, it's basically Internet fact at this point that Charlie Harper, Charlie Sheen's character on the popular series he helped create, will be killed off in the show's premier on September 19 -- he'll be replaced by Ashton Kutcher, thus making a nearly unbearable show straight-up unbearable. Nevertheless, given the notoriously bad (tiger?) blood between the two duelin' Chucks, it's not hard to speculate that Lorre might take some amount of pleasure in killing Sheen, even if it's just pretend. Chuck, we're here to help.
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1. Overdoses on Charlie Sheen, face melts. 2. Terrible autoerotic asphyxiation accident. 3. Lady killer? More like killed by ladies, amiright? No, literally though. 4. Turns out mixing Adonis and human DNA creates supercancer. 5. Majority of goddesses actually bloodthirsty trannie hookers. 6. Loses. 7. Transfusion of actual tiger blood proves to have disastrous consequences. 8. Sojourns home to Mars, killed by extreme temperature and lack of atmosphere. 9. Bizarre misadventure with Golden Sombrero. 10. Different constitution apparently incompatible with hepatitis. 11. Gets out-domestic violenced. 12. Fists breathe fire, incite horrible third-degree burns 12 1/2. Crack.